When humans form a certain relationship with others, they naturally expect to know some level of things going on in their life. The closer we are to people, the more we want them to keep things less confidential with us, and in return, we are obliged to make them know the happening in our life as well.
Starting or growing a new relationship is one milestone of life we are expected to be happy about and make known to others, especially those close to us. But people tend to hide their relationships for personal reasons.
They even failed to tell people they assumed to be their closest allies, especially the opposite sex. Knowing your supposed friend is keeping his relationship secret can be disappointing.
But why didn’t he tell me he had a girlfriend?
After you must have caught him, either through a leaked chat, phone conversation, or hearsay from an outsider, or their recent action suggests your male friend is keeping a new girlfriend without letting you know.
Worse if you already have feelings for him and nurture the hope he will ask you to be his girlfriend one day.
When a guy doesn’t tell you he has a girlfriend, and you finally get to know about his relationship later, It comes as a surprise to you. The thought will drive you to ask why he keeps his love life away from you.
As there is no clear-cut response, the general reason is that he thinks telling you will negatively affect the relationship and friendship you share.
Not that he sees you as bad, but he fears you may be jealous of his partner and even drift your attention from him as a friend.
From my experience and researching the topic deeper, several things may own to a guy being secretive about his new relationship. Read on to learn why and how to approach such a situation.
Reasons why he didn’t tell you he has a girlfriend
1. He is a cheat
Your first thought may be true when you realize he keeps a secret relationship. He is not ready to be loyal to his girlfriend.
If you’ve known him to be a random player or a flirt, then it might mean he is keeping the girl from you so his ugly side of cheating won’t be revealed to the girlfriend.
Also, he might intend to flirt with you, or as you’ve been flirting with him, he feels knowing the new girl would be a stumbling block to the affairs he is keeping with you.
He isn’t ready to lose either of you. While he uses you now, he has other plans for his girlfriend. Hence, the reason why he is keeping you away from knowing her.
2. He wants you to think he’s single
Another reason he is being secretive about his relationship is that he understands being in a relationship might tear your friendship apart.
You may want to respect his relationship and withdraw your attention from him. This is mostly the case when you are also not into any relationship but focus mainly on other aspects of life like Education or a job.
He may keep his relationship secret until you are ready for a relationship or have a man you love.
Also, suppose he still feels for you or has a female friend he admires who you know about. In that case, he will be secretive about his relationship, for the possibility that letting you know will obstruct his chances. You may perceive him as a playboy who cannot commit to a serious relationship.
3. He is not satisfied with the girlfriend
Another good reason is that he still weighs his choice of a partner. He is only partially satisfied with his relationship. The more he tries to understand his girlfriend, the more complicated she seems.
They both have divergent views on most issues, and their style of life isn’t aggregating. They have different careers, financial and marital goals.
If they disagree on such a crucial aspect of life, the relationship may not last. He may not be serious about the relationship but chooses to stay in case of possible changes.
If this is his situation, he won’t tell anyone about a relationship he isn’t too sure of its possibility. This may be one of the reasons he is keeping his girlfriend away from you.
Also, he may not be fulfilled by his girlfriend because she may appear less to his standard, cannot hold an intelligent conversation, or suffers from an inferiority complex when dealing with the girlfriend.
At the height of it, he may feel highly insecure, thinking his girlfriend is cheating or not serious about the relationship. A man not proud of his relationship won’t be excited to tell anyone about his partner.
4. He is not ready to lose you
A man may not tell you about his girlfriend because he doesn’t want you to be disappointed or heartbroken. He feels he may lose you if he tells you about his relationship.
He is not ready to lose your friendship and all the full attention he used to get from you.
If you make him happier than his girlfriend, you may be funnier, have more sense of humour, and are more helpful to a certain aspect of his life. You can be all he desires in friendship, but he is not just romantically into you.
He has to find love elsewhere and commit to his girlfriend. He is keeping you off his relationship so your bond with him won’t diminish or even end abruptly.
5. He’s a private person
Some people are strictly private and don’t like sharing much about their personal life, even with friends. Some people even keep many friends for different purposes.
While some friends are for career and life goals, some are for sport and party lifestyle, and some keep a certain set of friends for random gist.
Understand the kinds of stuff you share with the guy as a friend. Irrespective of your familiarity with him, he may think you don’t need to know about his girlfriend, yet he will tell those he deems fit to know about his relationship.
Also, he may not be the issue here, but his girlfriend. They may have agreed not to display affection publicly until a certain time in the relationship.
They may have decided to keep the relationship private for some time, and he is respecting the agreement by not telling you.
6. He wants to surprise you
The guy can be so funny that he can hold anything to be a surprise even without minding it can have toiled on your mental health.
He may have yet to find a perfect moment to tell you about it. Maybe he is waiting for a special occasion to announce the relationship to you.
He can make his girlfriend known at his birthday party or any event he assumes is special that all his friends would be present. He may even want to surprise you by introducing you to the girlfriend without informing you before meeting her.
7. He is not in any relationship
Yes, he might not be in any relationship as you’ve assumed. All your assumptions might be wrong. He may even be pretending to have a girlfriend on purpose, either to play a prank or make you feel jealous for a reason known to him.
Only assume he is in a relationship once you have a convincing fact. Guys can be more complicated than they appear.
What to do if you know he has a girlfriend but hides her from you
Such a situation can be more serious to you than it seems to him; depending on your friendship level, you will feel disappointed and heartbroken if you have developed feelings for him.
What then would you do afterwards? Should you break the friendship or pretend you don’t know about it?
Well, the best thing to do is to ask him about it. Confront him but with some courtesy. Remember that he is entitled to his private life. Gently tell him you already know he has a girlfriend, but ask why he keeps the relationship from you.
Also, if it is obvious he is keeping the relationship from you because he appears to be a player and manipulative person, talk to him about the danger of such a lifestyle and how that can affect your friendship with him.
You can also ask to meet his girlfriend in a random chat. He will be shocked and want to know how you find out. If he realizes you know his relationship, he will tell you the truth and maybe why he has kept the relationship from you.