Why Didn’t He Tell Me He Was Seeing Someone Else

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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why didn't he tell me he was seeing someone else

Relationships are like puzzles; when each piece is put together, it creates a bigger picture. 

Why didn’t he tell me he was seeing someone else can come to your mind when you discover your partner’s little secret of seeing someone else.

This can put you in a confusing state and make you think you aren’t good enough for him.

His reason might be absurd because he has no justification for his act. Maybe he get bored with his current woman and decide to test the waters with you.

Maybe he found someone else he thought he loved better and was making plans to break up with you but was waiting for the best time to do that. Or maybe he was playing you both.

With many reasons that might be going through your mind, let’s analyze why didn’t he tell me he was seeing someone else.

Why he didn’t tell you he was seeing someone else

1. He respects boundaries

He might decide to keep his other dating activity a secret because he respects boundaries, and sharing his other little secret is a line he wasn’t ready to cross.

Lack of commitment and the ability to define your relationship with him might lead him to pick an interest in another woman.

In our world today where open relationship has become a norm, he might think the lack of commitment in your relationship is a gateway to seeking interest in other women.

This is why communication is vital right from the early stages of any relationship.

RELATED: The Reason He Didn’t Tell You He Has a Girlfriend

2. He was trying not to hurt your feelings

Keeping his affairs a secret might be his way of protecting you from getting hurt.

When he notices how attached you’re to him and your affection towards him, he might decide not to let the dog out to protect you from getting hurt.

He probably didn’t want to hurt you and was not ready to let go of the other person, so he thought the only way to protect you was to keep you out of it. 

That is selfish on his part.

He was playing by the belief that ignorance is bliss, so he wanted to keep your mind at ease by not letting you in on information that would hurt you.

3. He didn’t want to lose what he had with you

Your boyfriend didn’t tell you about the other girl because he knew doing that would jeopardize his relationship with you. 

Knowing how jealous you can be, he feared you might end everything with him upon finding out. And his assumption is more often the case.

Though there was someone else in the picture, it’s possible your boyfriend still wanted to keep you around because he preferred you and was working towards leaving the other woman for good.

4. He is benefitting from you

It would be a hard pill to swallow when you realize your boyfriend was only keeping you for his convenience. 

That is enough to break your heart if you have tried your best to be loyal to him. As painful as it is, it can be the reason he didn’t tell you about the person he was seeing. 

He could be getting something from you that he wouldn’t get elsewhere. Maybe you cared differently from the way others cared for him. 

If you usually go all out for him, it’s no surprise that he didn’t reveal the other person to you, which might end all the privileges he received from you. It is likely to make him throw caution to the wind. 

5. He fears your reaction

While some people accept heartbreaks and disappointment with calmness and grace, others might be caught up in their emotions. 

Some people become wild and angry; others might become suicidal and vengeful.

If your boyfriend thinks you may respond negatively to the news, he will think twice about telling you. He will prefer to keep hiding for as long as he can.

6. Friends influenced him

As you wonder why he is not honest with you, consider his circle of friends and the role they might have played in encouraging his decision. 

Friends might play a significant role in influencing his decisions. 

If your partner’s friends like to flirt and can hardly maintain a serious relationship with one person, then they might have coaxed him into seeing someone else. 

They might have also prevented him from telling you. These possibilities are even higher if they don’t like you. 

7. He loves the other woman

He loves the other woman and will not tell you about her. Why? It was not yet safe to tell you so you don’t ruin what he was trying to establish with her.

The other lady may also be in the dark about you. Knowing that you can go all out to find out who she is and maybe sabotage their connection before it even starts.

In this situation, you have hardly anything to fight for. Since he doesn’t love you, you may as well forget about the relationship. 

RELATED: The Reason He Has A Girlfriend But Wants You Too

8. He took you for granted 

It is disheartening to encounter someone who takes you for a fool. Sadly as it is, if your boyfriend does not value you, he wouldn’t have thought it necessary to tell you about his interest in someone else. 

If you let him take you for granted, you can expect this treatment to continue until he gets fed up with you and won’t be able to tolerate you any longer. 

Don’t be too attached to him that you can’t leave.

Except by a miraculous turn of events, he will eventually break up with you and blame it on your ‘insecurities.

9. It was just a fling

He did not tell you about her because he just had a fling with her. He didn’t think it was worth telling you since, like most flings, it was meant to last only a short time.

 If your guy was caught between being serious with you and the desire to be promiscuous, he might have hoped to have both and get away with it. 

Regarding being faithful in relationships, According to Forbes, most people may say it’s easier for women than men. If your guy cannot restrain from trying out another woman, he won’t readily tell you unless you caught him.

10. He was weighing his options 

Every day, we are faced with making choices. How often have you found yourself torn between two good things? Making a decision can be difficult.

If your boyfriend didn’t tell you he was seeing someone else, it does not mean you treated him terribly.

It could be that he was attracted to the other lady for some admirable qualities he saw in her but also didn’t stop liking your personality. 

This will cause him to be indecisive about you both. And this could be why he didn’t confide in you earlier. 

11. He regretted his actions

If you strongly feel your boyfriend was going out with someone, yet he never agreed that he did so, neither did he stop committing to you; chances are he is guilty but is sorry for being unfaithful.

We have all made choices that we regret later in the future. Feelings of shame and repentance may have kept your boyfriend from owning up. 

He may not have told you because he thought it was the best way to preserve your relationship. If he is genuinely sorry, he will ensure he commits to you.

ALSO READ: Why He Wants To Marry You So Fast

12. You are assuming things

Our intuitions can prove to be dependable allies at times. Other times, we will be in trouble if we depend on them alone. 

It is not enough to conclude that your partner had been seeing someone merely because you felt so. It is advisable to check again. 

Your insecurities may have gotten the better of you. It could be that you became incapable of trusting completely due to your experiences from previous relationships. 

Before you use those to qualify your partner unfairly, please ensure you are not making a mistake.

If your partner denied seeing someone other than you, he could be telling the truth. Give him a chance to reassure you if you haven’t. 

What to do when he didn’t tell you you was seeing someone else

Learning that your trust in your partner is diminishing because of his shady behavior may lead you to act without thinking.

Before you make a hasty decision, please read below the different ways to approach the situation.

1. Weigh the facts

Before concluding that your partner cheated, you should ensure that you can prove beyond doubt that he did. 

If you insist that he was seeing someone else, which turns out to be untrue, it can seriously damage your relationship. 

So before you go ballistic, ask yourself why you feel he has someone else he was seeing.

If you don’t have concrete evidence, consider giving him the benefit of the doubt. 

But if you are overwhelmed by lots of evidence, keep reading.

2. Talk with your man

It is best to converse with your partner about your fears before taking action. Giving him a chance to explain himself can help you address your suspicion in the best way.

Pay attention to what he’s saying and how he says it. Instead of pointing out your suspicion blankly, let him explain himself. You can easily detect whether he is lying or telling the truth this way.

Instead of being violent in your confrontation, reassure your partner that you are willing to give him a chance to explain and that you’d appreciate his honesty.

3. Determine what to do about the relationship

Cheating in a relationship ruins everything you have built with your man. If your man is unfaithful to you, you must decide your line of action based on your principles.

Albeit challenging, you should let go of the relationship if you cannot stand his betrayal. On the other hand, you can consider forgiving your partner, especially if he’s remorseful of his action. 

ALSO READ: Why He Didnt Tell You He Was Married

4. Don’t blame yourself 

If you’re sure your man was seeing another person, before you begin to wonder whether it’s your fault, remind yourself that he had the choice not to but went ahead and did it anyway.  

Even if you might have provoked him into considering other women, he had the option of ending things with you instead of cheating. 

Notwithstanding, your man can still decide to cheat no matter what you do or how great you are. 

Be gentle with yourself. And if you need to improve your personality, be honest enough to admit it and work to improve yourself.

5. Gather evidence 

It’s not enough to suspect infidelity. If you think he is seeing another lady, a baseless assumption won’t be enough. 

If the conjecture you feel won’t disappear, gather evidence to prove you wrong or right. Discovering that you were wrong rather than concluding without certainty will relieve you greatly.

6. Maintain civility and calmness

Being with an unfaithful lover is enough to strain your mental health. Losing your mind can do more damage than you can imagine. 

Alternately, maintaining composure will help you think things through properly. Take a deep breath and civilly address the problem. 

7. Call it quits if you must

If your partner has cheated on you, it is a pointer that he does not genuinely love you. And if he has done this more than once, it may be toxic to remain with him.

It can be challenging to trust him again. Being in a relationship where you can hardly count on the other person will damage you.

Call it quits and move on. You can find someone later on but don’t fear being single again. 

Don’t go about hating him or the person he’s cheated on you with; it will only hold you back from healing. 

Final Thoughts 

You can’t force your partner to admit if he didn’t tell you he was seeing someone else. But how you discuss with him can go a long way in helping him to be honest with you. 

Take time to think things through, and don’t be pressured into making any uncalculated decision. 

Whether your man is a habitual cheat or has just done it once, you must give yourself time to process the situation.

If you find it difficult to trust your partner or cannot shake off the uneasy feeling within you, you should consider talking to a loved one or going to an expert for counsel.

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