Deceit leads to a breach of trust in every type of human relationship. It hurt more in a supposed romantic relationship.
Knowing you cannot spend forever with somebody you’ve loved or trusted for so long can be heartbreaking.
The reason is that you are just getting to know they are legally married to another woman.
Married men play this deceitful card on young girls and make them hope they will marry them later.
Why didn’t he tell me he was married?
But why do men do this?
Most men are not ready to be fully committed to their marriage. The non-commitment can either be because of their wife’s inadequate behaviours or because they willingly choose to be cheaters.
Some married men are flirting with other women because they are separated but not divorced. Some are cheating and still trying to protect their marriage. They have no excitement for their wife again.
They are frustrated with the marriage routine and need some spark to keep going.
They think keeping another woman outside their marriage is what they need to balance the marriage.
The reasons are non-exhaustive. However, how do you get to know your boyfriend is married?
More than a Hearsay is needed; ensure you know he is legally married.
If you want to know if a man you’re dating is married, here are some signs to look out for.
Signs you are in a relationship with a married man
1. He has yet to invite you to his place
A married man will always ask you to meet elsewhere, far from his home. He will keep giving excuses as to why he’s yet to invite you to his place.
His excuses are not genuine. He may have a wife and children waiting for him to be home. You will hardly pass the night together.
He may only do so infrequently after telling his wife he will embark on a journey or that his work will make him spend more days outside the city.
2. He won’t introduce you to people close to him
Everyone knows his wife and maybe children. There is a presumption that he has a healthy family in the eyes of the public.
Therefore, he won’t introduce you to any of his people. He will keep hiding you and make excuses if you request to meet his friends and family.
3. He solely decides when to meet
Since he is expected to have exclusive time with his family, he will want to be in control of the time you meet.
He won’t agree to the time you are convenient with. He will plan when to reasonably sneak away from his family without them being suspicious.
You won’t see him during his days off from work. He mainly prefers calling you at his convenience. When you call during odd hours, your call mostly enters voicemail. Those are good signs he is hiding his marriage from you.
4. He rarely takes you out
He doesn’t want people he knows to see you together, especially if you’re in the same locale with his family or relatives.
If you go out together, he won’t feel comfortable and will always prefer being indoors with you.
5. He’s secretive about his phone and social media
He always keeps his phone close to him and is quick to turn it off or put it on silent when you’re around.
He also has a lot of privacy settings on his social media accounts, and he’s careful about what he posts on social media.
He also avoids fidelity talks on social media. He can save his wife’s contact with an unsuspicious name and monitors where you check and where you can’t check on his phone.
6. You are not part of his plan
All he ever wanted was to enjoy the moment with you. The future you’re planning in your mind with him, he is already happily living with another woman.
He hardly cares to know more about you. All he ever wanted was your companionship and great sex. Nothing more. He does not care about your career or any personal goal you strive to achieve.
It is one thing to know a man is legally married and still flirts with other women; it’s another thing to understand why he is into such.
Not all men intend to be promiscuous or have no plan to marry you because he has a subsisting marriage. You can be dear to him, maybe as much as his wife.
He won’t tell you he is married because of the following reasons.
Reasons why he didn’t tell you he is married
1. He’s a serial cheater
A cheating man is in the game of flirting around with young ladies. All he ever wanted was sex with no feeling attached.
He doesn’t want commitment from you either. You are more like a hookup buddy to him.
He may be doing this due to the difficulty his marriage is currently passing through or because he ordinarily feels good cheating on his wife.
In no time, he will leave you to hook up with another woman and still be overprotective of his marriage.
2. He is contemplating divorce
Suppose a man is tired of his marriage and seeking a divorce; he may feel it is unnecessary telling you he is married. It means he has concluded in his mind that he is single.
You may currently be the love of his life, and he may have plans to marry you after divorce. He feels you might be scared of being with him if you know his marital status.
Also, the person you are dating may be legally married but going through a separation or experiencing some difficulties.
They may not consider themselves married in a practical sense, leading them to believe it’s unnecessary to disclose their marital life with you at the moment.
ALSO READ: Why Didn’t He Tell Me He Has A Girlfriend
3. He doesn’t want to lose you
Most men keep parallel relationships while in marriage because they later find women that give them premium satisfaction.
If you fill the gaps in his wife’s inadequacies, he will avoid anything that can cut short the relationship.
You may give him the best financial advice or network him with great people in his career path, so he wouldn’t want your knowledge of his marital status to hinder your affection and other benefits he gets from you.
He is aware that knowing about his wife may reduce communication because she may want to respect her marriage. Such a man will try hard to keep his marriage a secret.
4. Fear of Judgement or Rejection
He might be afraid you would judge or reject him outrightly if he revealed his marital status.
He may have concerns about how you would react to the news and decided to keep it hidden to avoid potential negative consequences.
Also, some men are afraid of being judged by others if they are found to be cheating on their wives.
They may worry that they will lose their jobs, friends, or even their families due to cheating.
Cultural or religious factors can sometimes play a role in why someone might choose not to disclose their marital status.
In certain cultures or religions, divorce can carry a social stigma on people. He might have feared being judged by people, and telling you about his marriage will bring considerable changes to you.
5. He didn’t remember telling you
It’s also possible that he unintentionally omitted the information about his marriage.
While it might be hard to believe, some people forget or overlook sharing crucial personal details, which may not necessarily indicate malicious intent.
How to move on after finding out he’s married
1. Talk to him about his marriage
Suppose you are aware that he is hiding his marriage from you. Confront him, ask him why he didn’t tell you. If the reason is not rational enough, consider ending the relationship.
If you want to keep communication with him, make sure to set boundaries.
Let him know you are not comfortable in a relationship with a married man. You can choose to be a casual friend.
2. Acknowledge your feelings
Feeling hurt, angry, confused, or even betrayed is normal when you find out someone you’re in a committed relationship with is married.
Allow yourself to feel these emotions, but strive hard not to dwell on them. It is a shock you need to recover from. Give yourself the required time to heal.
3. Cut communication with him
It would be best to cut off from people who live off deceit and lies. You need to focus on your healing process and move on properly.
Cut off contacts like phone calls, messages, or social media. Do not look back. He will only do worse if you decide to keep him close. You have nothing to gain from a married man that is using you.
Also, remove anything that can trigger his memory around you. Displace shared gifts.
Remove or archive his photos from your media, delete his messages, and most importantly, consider blocking or unfollowing him on social media.
4. Talk to someone you trust
At such moments of betrayal, you’re in a glare of emotion, and all you can think of as a solution might not be logical enough.
You need to confide in a friend, family member or instead consult a therapist.
Those people can help you process your feelings and support you.
5. Focus on self-care
Prioritize self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. Take care of your physical health by exercising, eating well, and getting enough sleep.
Engage in hobbies, spend time with loved ones, and explore new interests. Taking care of yourself will help rebuild your self-esteem and create a positive outlook for the future.
Remember, moving on from heartbreak takes time. There is no quick fix. But if you care for yourself and focus on healing, you will eventually get through it. Time heal all wounds.