It can be a confusing state when people engage in romantic affairs but with different goals.
He might be interested in casual hookups with you but not intrigued in being in a relationship with you, but you want to be more than a booty call.
He sleeps with me but doesn’t want a relationship.
Being in an intimate friendship with a man with no desire to commit can be frustrating. Sleeping together is not wrong if it’s consensual, but you might develop feelings for him and get frustrated if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings toward him.
The feelings became stronger for you as you communicate and do things together.
However, most men can flirt around with random women without being committed to any of them. All they want is to enjoy the moment.
If they wish to settle in the future, they will carefully go for the lady that matches their utmost preference.
This can be a challenging situation to navigate. You may feel he is taking advantage of you, especially if you hope to have a serious relationship with him.
Taking decisive steps can salvage the situation if you are worried about this.
However, you should seek your partner’s mind and think of possible reasons he doesn’t want you for a relationship.
Why he sleeps with you but doesn’t want a relationship
1. Fear of Commitment
Due to some traumatic past relationship experience, he may be taking his time to learn more about you. Maybe he has made some wrong relationship decisions in the past.
He wants to be mentally ready before being committed to another woman. But he needs companionship and intimacy to satisfy himself at the moment.
He is not prepared for dating. He does not want any emotional connection with anyone.
Also, he may have his attention taken now with bagging a degree or be overwhelmed with work. He feels the need to make those a priority at the moment.
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2. He is Emotionally Unavailable
The person you’re involved with may be emotionally unavailable or unprepared for a committed relationship.
Men can also be emotionally unavailable due to previous negative experiences, such as heartbreak, betrayal, or abusive relationships.
They may have developed defence mechanisms to avoid experiencing past pain, causing them to become emotionally unavailable.
They may prefer to keep things casual and avoid the responsibilities and expectations of a committed relationship.
3. He is still grieving over his Ex
If he recently exited a relationship, he may not be ready to start a new one. He may still be emotionally attached to his ex and unwilling to move on.
He may be thinking of the possibility of going back to his ex. His mind is still attached to her.
He may appreciate your efforts to ease the tension in his lost relationship, but he thinks you’re not a suitable replacement for his ex.
4. You are not mentally his type
He may have assessed you and think you may not be compatible with him long-term. You aint his type or not at his level of being his girlfriend.
You may have shared a different perspective on some vital cultural beliefs. Maybe you are not mentally ready for a relationship.
Most men don’t venture into relationships only because of a woman’s beauty; that can be a plus, but your intellectual capacity might be a significant turn-on for him.
5. He’s not into you
Before starting a relationship, emotional feelings need to be present. Supposedly he finds you boring and being a smooth talker himself, he might not want to have a relationship with you.
You may not share some social habits in common. For instance, he may be an introvert, while you are the opposite.
Besides, he may enjoy spending time with you, but he doesn’t have the same level of feelings for you that you have for him. He may not be interested in a serious relationship with anyone right now.
6. He’s using you for sex
Men get attracted to a woman’s body shape and beauty. But they stay in a relationship with women that matches their mental standards.
If you lack career or social standards but great at sex, he will continuously sleep with you with no relationship plans in mind.
7. He has a woman in his life
Some men are in relationships or married but won’t disclose it. They will give the impression that they are single and searching.
They cheat because their partner is everything they ever wanted, but they may not be great at physical intimacy.
That is why they are using you to fill the gap. They are already living the life you wish to live with them with another person.
Maybe you have a naughty sexual experience that his partner lacks.
ALSO READ: Do Guys Think About Their Hookups Sometimes
Is sleeping together but not dating a good or bad one?
This depends on your personal preference and expectations. They both have vital benefits and risks to put into consideration.
First, sleeping together but not dating offers physical intimacy without emotional commitment. This is a good option if you choose not to be in a relationship.
You will have fun and enjoy each other’s company with no strings attached.
Besides, it’s a great way of networking. Someone that enjoys physical intimacy with you will want to make you happy.
If they have a way to uplift your career or help your business, they will effortlessly do it.
Having someone to share your thoughts and exchange opinions on controversial issues is blissful. Someone that gets convenient and secure around you.
Finally, someone you engage in physical intimacy with can give you insight into your needs and desires. It prepares you for the rigor and expectation of a serious relationship.
However, some potential emotional risks may be attached to sleeping together but not dating.
First, even if you initially agreed to keep the relationship casual, you may unconsciously develop feelings and perhaps get hurt if your partner doesn’t feel the same way.
Also, if your partner gives you the needed attention and satisfies you sexually, you may be tempted to have them all to yourself by proposing a relationship.
You can also get caught up in the intimate part of the friendship and neglect other aspects of your life.
You may lose interest in other necessary commitments and focus. It would be heartbroken whenever they decide to call it a quit if you get too attached.
Finally, it is irrational to trust such a person to be sexually loyal to you. They may have several friends with benefits, and you can’t complain about infidelity because they don’t owe you to be committed.
As a result, they may expose you to STDs that can endanger your life. You should use protection and take other necessary precautions while practicing sleeping together but not dating.
If sleeping together but not dating is suitable for you, it’s essential to carefully weigh the benefits and risks and make the right decision.
ALSO READ: Why Didn’t He Tell Me He Has A Girlfriend
What to do when he sleeps with you but doesn’t want a relationship
1. Acknowledge your feelings
It’s important to acknowledge how you’re feeling with this experience. Be clear if you’re feeling used, confused, or disappointed. It is okay to feel this way.
If you think it’s a wrongful life to live, quit. If you see someone genuinely interested in you, consider giving them a chance.
2. Talk to him about it
Ask him why he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Be direct and honest about your feelings. You may not get the answer you want, but it’s better to know than to guess.
His reason might be something you can control and fit in for his desired type of woman.
3. Set boundaries
If you’re not interested in a casual relationship, let him know. Set boundaries about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.
For example, you might decide to only sleep with him again if he is willing to commit to a relationship.
4. Don’t be hard on yourself if you feel disappointed
If you feel guilty, healing from a situation like this takes time. Don’t expect to feel better overnight. Be patient and allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship you thought you might have.
5. Cut him off your life
Tell him about your intention to stay away. If you’re finding it difficult to do without him, you must erase all the memories you’ve had together.
Delete all the chats and text messages. You can block him on social media if that would make you heal faster.
If you see a man ready to love you and see you in his future plans, you can give him a trial if the feeling is mutual.
If he doesn’t want a relationship, you should try to talk him into one. Not talking about it will only lead to disappointment and heartbreak in the end.
At the same time, decide what you want out of this situation. You can continue sleeping with him if you’re happy being friends with benefits.
But if you’re looking for something more, end things with him. It’s unfair to stay in a situation without getting what you want.
It’s also important to remember that you’re not alone. Many people have been in this situation before. You’ll get through this and find someone who shares your feelings.