What Your Ex Thinks When You Don’t Reply Their Messages

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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what your ex thinks when you don't reply

Are you nursing a recent breakup? Getting through that phase and adjusting to your new status might take a while. 

Navigating this phase requires you to spend some time with yourself. 

A study has revealed that it takes an average of 3 months and 11 days before a heartbroken American feels ready for another relationship. 

A text from your ex might cause a lot of emotional turmoil. A breakup will make you do anything to fill the vacuum. 

It is this desire that directs them to reach out to you. Do you ever wonder what your ex thinks when you don’t reply to their messages?

Choosing to reply or ignore their messages may depend on whether or not you want to seek closure, you’re already seeing someone else, or you are open to rekindling the romance. 

Although a breakup stings, you cannot rule out reconnection with your ex. After all, a survey of about 22,000 people has shown that about 43% of people get back with their ex after a breakup. 

Leaving your ex’s messages unread can clearly state that you are done with the relationship and have completely moved on. If your ex still has feelings for you, snubbing their messages would hurt. 

This article will examine what your ex thinks when you don’t reply to their messages, why they might be messaging you, and what to do when it happens. Let’s dig in. 

ALSO READ: What It Means When Your Ex Moved On So Quickly

Why your ex message you after a breakup

There are many reasons why your ex might text you after a breakup. Some may be selfish, some may be practical, and others might be due to their struggles to fill the vacuum you left.

Below are the top reasons you might get that text from your ex. 

1. Loneliness

The period after a breakup opens up a gap that your ex might find hard to fill instantly. For a moment, they would not have anybody to share lovely moments.

 This will make them yearn for you. This desire can reach levels that would make your ex believe they made a mistake by leaving you. 

The loneliness will make them text you, hoping to reestablish communication. 

2. Curiosity

They say curiosity kills the cat but can also make your ex reach out to you. You may have blocked them from your social media accounts when you broke up. 

The radio silence from your end will spark your ex’s curiosity if they still care about you. 

They might want to know how you handle the breakup, who you are currently seeing, and what you do with your life.

 They will then reach out to you to see if they can get a peek into your new life. 

3. Jealousy

If you do not block them from your social accounts and they are still privy to your life, they might come across new details that will make them jealous. 

They could see you hanging out with someone of the opposite sex and suddenly feel a sharp pang of jealousy. 

People don’t disconnect easily. Although they might not love you, they will still struggle for a while to get used to seeing you around other people. 

4. They want to keep an open channel

Your ex might be processing the breakup. They may have reconsidered the breakup and wondered if they made the right decision by letting you go. 

While they gather their thoughts, they may reach out to keep an open channel with you. This way, your ex would still be able to access you and make moves on you. 

5. Seeking friendship 

Although relationships mostly end on a sour note, it does not mean all exes must become sworn enemies. 

You could remain friends if your breakup’s reasons are not that bad. Post-breakup friendships are not strange. 

study has shown that maintaining friendships with an ex can lead to positive outcomes. 

They already know most of your attributes from the past relationship with you and feel you would be a valuable addition as a friend. 

6. For hookup

Let’s face it: sometimes, they miss the sex. For many, sex is one of the biggest perks of companionship. 

If you shared a mind-blowing sexual relationship, your ex might have difficulty replacing you. 

While they no longer love you, they might reach out to you when they feel horny, hoping to spark a light and rekindle old romance. 

If you get an emotional text at midnight from your ex, this is likely the reason. 

ALSO READ: The Reasons He Has A Girlfriend But Want You Too

What your ex thinks when you don’t reply

What your ex thinks when you don’t reply depends on their thoughts and personality and the reason for the breakup. 

Here are things your ex might think when you snub their messages.

1. They think you are seeing someone else

When you leave your ex messages on “read” days after they send you a text, the first thing that will come to mind is that you are in another relationship. 

Because of history, they might reason that you don’t want any correspondence with them to avoid compromising your relationship. 

They might stop bugging you and never send another text if this is what they think. 

2. You are trying to make a point

Your ex may also think that you are just playing a game and trying to prove a point that you can enjoy your life without them.

Toxic exes tend to feel this way. They like to believe that your life revolves around them. 

When you don’t reply to their messages, they might interpret it as an invitation to participate in a challenge. 

They would then spam you manipulatively in an attempt to lure you out. 

3. You are processing the breakup

The first few weeks after a breakup is often the toughest. You are likely still sore from the whole thing. 

When you get a message from your ex, you might not be in any mood to reply.

Some exes understand this. If your ex thinks this way, they will give you space to process the separation and come to terms with the new reality. 

4. You have moved on

They might also think you have closed the chapter on your shared story with them and moved on to newer things. 

This could hurt them a lot. 

When your ex sees that you are still active on social media but ignoring their messages, they will be forced to believe that you no longer want anything to do with them. 

5. You never even loved them

Some exes might feel like you have never even loved them. This could easily be their line of thinking if they notice that you did not waste any time sulking over the separation. 

They might even feel a deep betrayal that you have moved on so easily

They will wonder if you had not been waiting for the opportunity to call it quits long before the relationship ended. 

6. You want them to make a more significant effort 

Snubbing your ex’s texts can also give them the impression that you are unsatisfied with their message. 

If you don’t respond to a “Hello” after many hours, they might think you are inviting them to send something more elaborate. 

When they think of this line, they might send something more elaborate. 

Something like, “Hello. I understand that you are still processing our breakup. I’m struggling with it too, and I want to talk to you about it. Wanna talk?” 

ALSO READ: Why He Wants To Marry You So Fast

What to do when your ex texts you

When your ex messages you, you might wonder, What exactly do they want?

Responding well to those messages can help you maintain peace, set firm boundaries, or even rekindle the romance. 

Here are things you should do when your ex texts you. 

1. Take a pause

Many emotions are at play when you are nursing a fresh breakup. There are days when you crave their presence and wish they were with you. 

Navigating that emotional turmoil is always challenging. 

If you receive a text from your ex in that state of mind, you might act irrationally. So, the first step:

A. Pause and gather your thoughts.

B. Don’t rush into action.

C. Question your feelings and try to make the most objective decision possible. 

2. Don’t reply to night messages

It is not advisable to reply to midnight messages from your ex unless you think it’s an emergency. 

Midnight is the time when sexual desire is most potent. If the breakup is fresh, you shouldn’t be surprised if you get a text like “Hey, still up” from your ex.

They might just be overwhelmed by sexual desire; you might be overwhelmed too. 

So, to make a sound decision, sleep over the message and reply the following morning when all the hormones have worn off. 

3. Hear them out 

Give them a listening ear when they reach out to you. Breakups can be difficult to navigate, and your ex might text you to see if they can find closure. 

If you detect a genuine tone in their text, extend the same empathy to them by listening to what they say. 

Sometimes, the conversation might veer to what went wrong in the relationship, and by listening, you can learn more about yourself.

4. Stay polite

Remain friendly and polite when you engage them. The relationship has ended, and you must show that you are no longer negatively affected by it. 

The time for confrontation has elapsed. You can choose to be polite and gain closure or ignore them and safeguard your peace. 

5. Ignore if you are not ready

You don’t have to reply to texts from your ex. After the breakup, you don’t owe them anything. You don’t owe them quick replies or any replies at all. 

So, if you are still processing the hurt and think establishing communication with your ex might open up old wounds, ignore them. 

Focus on yourself and reply when you feel like you can handle it. 

If your ex is toxic or dangerous and spams your messages with harmful words, you may decide to report them to relevant authorities if you feel threatened. 

6. Ask for a meet-up if you wish to rekindle the connection

There is no tablet where it is scribbled that exes cannot reconnect and date each other again. Sometimes, breakups serve as the foundation for building a stronger relationship. 

If you still have feelings for your ex and they send you a text and the feeling is mutual, you can ask them for a physical meeting. 

Having a conversation in person might be the spark that you need to start a wildfire of romance. 


In the first few weeks after a breakup, you might struggle to understand everything and adjust to the new reality. 

Getting a message from your ex in that phase will kick-start a chain of complex reactions that you might not be equipped to handle.

Ignoring the text is often the most straightforward action. What your ex thinks when you don’t reply will determine whether they let you be or bug you for a response. 

This article should help you view possible things your ex might be thinking when you snub them and other ways to respond when you get that text.  

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