You want to move on after a breakup that disorganizes you for months, but you can’t stop asking, why do I still think about my ex when I have someone new?
You think part of the healing process is getting a new partner. At least maybe, the memories of the ex will fade away, but here is the opposite.
You still keep thinking and having feelings for your ex despite being with a new partner.
Breakup can be heartbreaking and can cause emotional damage to one’s life, especially for those who invest much time, love, and resources to make it work.
Honestly, moving on is hard. It’s easier said than done. But it is achievable.
Many people have been in this phase but passed the Rubicon. With a slow therapeutic process, I assure you that it is achievable.
The primary consideration is to carefully study why you are still thinking of them.
You are most every minute wondering why you still think about your ex despite being in a new relationship.
You feel like cheating or not staying committed with the new partner because of the feeling for your ex that refuses to evaporate.
Why do I still think about my ex when I have someone new?
Well, the reason can be squeezed and singled into one: memories.
When the old memories keep coming back repeatedly, the good and bad memories, the unfulfilled promises, the sacrifices, the funny moments, the upward and downward moments, and the struggle to keep the failed relationship sum up together and strike your heart heavily with displeasure and regrets.
This can make the heart heavy and wishes the heart could experience that again.
You want the memories to rebirth even though somebody is filling your ex’s place already, promised and struggling to do better than the ex.
But the old feeling refuses to let go.
Reasons why you still think about your ex when you have someone new
But what is the reason the memories can’t stop? Why do you still feel your ex around you?
Why do you still dwell in thoughts of past events despite your acceptance of ‘moving on” by accepting to be in a new relationship?
One bitter fact is you’ve not been over them all this while. Jumping to another partner and starting a new relationship is never a process of getting over an ex.
It can be a mess-up for the new partner because you are in the valley of confusion.
The reasons why you are still thinking and obsessed about your ex are own to any of the below-itemized issues.
1. You feel lonely
Even though you’re already in a relationship, you’re not feeling the glitch your formal relationship used to give you.
The new partner is yet to devise what caught your attention and what perfectly makes you happy.
You feel like you’re not in a new relationship yet and are utterly bored.
Boredom naturally makes humans overthink and dwell unconsciously in the good and sinister past of our lives.
The best advantage you can do to yourself is to fill yourself up with tasks and engagement the moment you’re no longer in a relationship.
Get back in touch with old friends you’ve not seen in a while, stop feeling empty and be hungry to achieve some goals set within a specified period.
As much as you may be willing to move on, social media may not be helpful for quick healing.
Social media algorithms may be a bad influence and continuously bring your ex activities to your timeline. You might get tagged with them by a mutual friend.
Suppose you are genuine about moving on and avoiding your friends, regulating your feelings for them. The best is to use the block option and block them on each of your social media handles.
Delete old photos, chats, or other mutual things you’ve had together.
3. You are still in regret
Blaming yourself for what you should have done right to save the relationship is another reason you still think about your ex when you have someone new.
You think you need a second chance to correct the error you’ve committed in the relationship.
You regret that the relationship broke up primarily because you didn’t do things right.
Remember, you break up for a reason, which is most probably because the relationship does not yield the happiness you deserve.
So, you have nothing to regret. Relationship failure isn’t worth breaking down over for a long time because there are better people out there, and your newly found love might be the right one for you.
4. Hormonal and Neurological clingy
Feeling and thinking about someone isn’t limited to memory recall. Hormones play a vital role in how humans think post-breakup.
Brain chemistry holds on to the closeness you’ve enjoyed together with your ex in the past.
According to research conducted by Syracuse University, it reveals that there are some chemicals in the body like oxytocin, adrenaline, and dopamine that are released in 12 areas of the human brain when we are in a romantic situation with our partner.
After the breakup, the brain feels attached to those romantic moments.
According to Helen Fisher, this research revealed that losing a lover is like withdrawal from hard drug intake; the brain feels like returning to those activities after you’ve made attempts to quit.
Anyone who has been an essential part of your life will always live deep inside you, even if it’s a pet or a distant relative; talk more about a loved ex.
Recalling them later in life is natural when your memories trigger a good or bad flashback.
Your ex was fundamental to your daily routine when you were together. It became a routine to think about them every minute, which can be tough to rewire now that you’ve broken up.
Your brain has established a pathway for your ex, thereby causing difficulty to quit thinking about them. It is left for you to trick the brain against thinking about your ex.
5. You are counting your loss
You’ve sacrificed a whole lot for the relationship. You invested so much more in your time and mental and financial resources at your expense.
You’ve given so much concentration to the extent of forgetting about those around you.
You’re doubtful whether those deserted friends will still accept you back now that you feel empty.
6. The breakup is still fresh
It is expected of humans to make a comparison of the past with the present. This may be your present situation.
Because you’re still nursing the fresh memory of your ex, you may be trying to compare it with the undoing of your new partner.
Note that two relationships can never be the same; so far, human beings are not. A new relationship is not the last resort if the breakup still affects your emotions.
How to stop thinking about your ex with someone else
You enter a new relationship purposely because you want to move on and leave out of the bondage of thought for your ex, but there’s no solution yet. Here are essential tips to follow:
Take the needed time to heal. Never run from the pain of break up. Venturing into another relationship won’t stop the pain.
It can aggravate it when you start a comparison and cause the term emotional zombie; it is a situation where the feeling for your partner keeps coming and going at intervals.
Also, another way of getting over your ex is to meet new people who can help you see life from a different positive perspective.
Socialize with family and friends more often. Concentrate the love and affection you’ve been dishing out to ex on building a great relationship with those around you.
Lastly, Block and remove any item of your ex in your possession in whatever way possible.