How To Get Over Someone You Thought Was The One

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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How to get over someone you love

Yes, I understand you are currently in pain; you keep having those flashbacks of your previous relationship, in which you got heartbroken recently.

You can’t seem to get over someone you shared good memories with. Beautiful things have been done together, and the lovely plans you had together. 

The good news is that you can get over someone you love. But you must know that nothing lasts forever. Irreconcilable differences and falling out of love. These can be issues that lead to the end of a relationship.

Yes, it happens. But the other partner can still be genuinely in love. At the same time, the other person might not see reasons for staying in such relationships. 

If you are currently reading this, I am pretty sure the partner still in love is you. You probably feel so terrible; the pains feel like never-ending any time soon. You wonder why you still feel this way. Will the feeling ever go away?

Experts say the pain felt during a heartbreak is like the pain felt during cocaine withdrawal. So, it is perfectly normal if you think you are not in the right frame of mind right after a breakup.

One thing is sure, millions of people have gone through what you are currently facing. The heartache and pains from looking back at how good it felt with someone you love.  

I have had my share of breakups in the past and got stuck in the phase of how to move on.

I thought my world without the one I love would crumble. My story might be different from yours. I had a kid from the relationship, and it took me 8 months to stop wallowing in self-blame, pity, and heartbreak pains.

If I knew half of what I know about getting over someone you love, I would have moved on with the speed of light and not wasted those precious months. Yes, the process of healing from heartbreak is natural, but you can hasten it with the right strategies and approach.

So, how do you know you need to get over someone you love?

According to psychological research, it takes 11 weeks to feel better after a breakup. In contrast, it takes 18 months to heal after a divorce. Sure, the process can be different for different individuals, and I won’t be recommending a healing window.

RELATED: Simple Ways To Make Your Ex Want You Back So Badly

I correctly understand that the way we deal with emotions is different. Many factors might determine the length of time you need to heal. Such as how long you’ve been in the relationship and the kind of relationship you were in. If you had kids from the relationship, and how you were treated.

These are signs to watch out for when you haven’t gotten over someone you love

1. You are still wishful

Do you find yourself living or stuck in the past? Wishing you are still dating your ex? This could be a clear sign you haven’t moved on and yet stuck in the past, which isn’t healthy for your mental growth.

2. Lack of emotional control

You are still caught up initiating inappropriate calls, texting, and throwing tantrums. Getting drunk, being irrational, and making decisions you can’t take on a norm.

Trying so hard to get noticed. And also hoping they will feel pity for you and probably take you back. Doing any of these? Trust me, you still haven’t gotten over your ex.

3. Battling so many emotional and physical pains

Psychology experts say the loss of someone you love can be a great source of unhappiness, which, when it stretches, can lead to emotional and physical pain.

If after a heartbreak, you get emotionally down, and your heavy heart is laden, especially when coupled with physical pains. You feel helpless and stay in a position for hours.

Do you feel so numb and don’t want to get out of bed for no reason? Do you take those sudden long breaks at work to spend time crying? These are doubts you haven’t gotten over him/her.

How to get over someone you love so much

Don’t live in self-denial. I will be sharing strategies to get over someone you love.

1. Let the tears flow

Don’t withhold the tears at any point in time. Do you feel like crying? Does your chest still hurt so much from letting someone you love to go?

Take some time off from work if you can to steam off the heat. But don’t make it a habit though.

2. Come to the realization that nothing can be done

You don’t want to hang around someone you once loved while you are still nursing your wounds. There are tendencies they have probably moved on already.

Don’t get stuck in life wishing they will come knocking again; even if they do, you need to ask yourself candid questions. Why did they leave? Why you left them and why they are back. Is it out of pity? Or they are back to hurt you again.

You need to accept the reality that the relationship is over.

3. Learn to let it go and forgive yourself

Forgiveness isn’t something to be forced, imposed, or something you probably say three times to your wish balloons when you were younger. I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive. No, it isn’t a wish. It is something that takes a conscious effort on your part. 

If you are sure you want to get over someone and you are ready to forgive, please do. 

Most importantly, forgive yourself and stop every thought of self-doubt that you are currently feeling. It probably wasn’t because you weren’t good enough. Stop the self-blames too.

Very importantly, take notes of things that made the relationship hit the rock. So you can work on them or avoid them before a new one. Learn from your past.

4. Stop all forms of communication

Truth is. I know how difficult it could be to impose the no contact rule with someone you once cherished and hold so dear. Who you always being in contact with 24 hours a day.

 You need to come to the reality you are no longer with them. And can’t afford to be in constant communication like you used to when in a relationship.

You also need to unfollow them on social networks if you have to since you are still in pain.

You need to stop all communication forms until you are sure you won’t be running to make those inappropriate calls and texts.

If you still have to stay in communication, probably on business-related issues and other important agendas. Be yourself, and don’t act too desperate.

5. Understand that there is still someone out there for you

Understanding that there is still someone out there for you doesn’t translate to jumping into another relationship right away.

Give yourself time to heal from past hurt and pains that might act as baggage when you go right into another relationship. I am sure you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings in the process of healing yourself. That won’t be good, you know.


Understand that this is a phase and won’t last forever, and who knows, it might be time for a great self-recovery. A time to go on a trip you had so much interest in.

Prepare that meal you always wanted to from that old cookery book or fun part.

Hang out with the guys and girlfriends. One thing is for sure! You are not alone, and with conscious positive effort, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish hope and light your way. 

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