Why Do Guys Bring Up Their Ex Girlfriends In Conversation

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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why do guys bring up their ex girlfriends

Breakups can do long-term damage to people. Steering the wheels of emotion to another person after experiencing heartbreak can be quick, but not everyone can easily move on from their ex.

There is always that uniqueness in each individual that we date. This makes it normal for people to miss their ex constantly.

Many guys won’t stop talking about their ex-girlfriends because of some good and memorable times they’ve shared.

The memory gets triggered, especially when their current relationship doesn’t meet the standard they once lived with their ex-girlfriend.

Why do guys bring up their ex girlfriends?

But why do guys do this, since it’s expected they should be over their ex before taking a new partner.

They do it for various reasons. But it is basically to compare their ex with their new partner. Everyone likes to be in a better place.

There is so much solace in finding a better partner after a heartbreak. In this instance, they may consistently trash-talk their ex and indirectly express gratitude to their new partner.

Also, guys talk about their ex to understand how to handle the new relationship.

He understands that talking about his bad past experiences might allow his new partner to open up about her expectations in the relationship.

It could be his way of protecting the new connection from crumbling.

Talking about an ex is not bad for a relationship. Experiences in past relationships help shape people, whether good or bad.

It is a way of learning what a healthy and fulfilling relationship is. Men share their old lives because they trust you and want your commitment.

However, hearing about your boyfriend’s ex from him every time can make you question the type of person he is.

You need to know why he mentioned his ex-girlfriend a lot in your conversation; then, you’ll be able to tell whether the conversation threatens the relationship or not.

10 Reasons Why Guys Bring Up Their Ex-Girlfriend in Your Conversation

1. For comparison

Everyone craves a better place in their endeavours. He wants you to be a better girlfriend than his ex.

He may be trying to reminisce about his past by assessing you and the relationship he left.

He compares you to either make you do better in the relationship or to praise you for being a better person.

For instance, he may recount how his ex was outgoing and describe how they had fun touring cities and making memories.

If he wants you to improve on some basic domestic skills, he may talk about how his ex used to do things perfectly.

Guys will talk about the positive side of their ex to make you stay up to standard.

Conversely, guys will talk negatively about their ex if you fill the edges he lacks in his previous relationship.

He will want to tell you how better off you are than his ex if you both have the matching energy he anticipated in his past relationship.

ALSO READ: He has a Girlfriend Should I Stop Talking To Him

2. To show he is still in love with her

Some guys do not heal properly after a breakup before venturing into a new relationship. Some may still be having reconciliation talks with their ex.

They are merely making you a placeholder at the moment. They plan to break up with you and return to where their heart belongs when they settle the issue with their ex.

He doesn’t want to lose you because he is not optimistic about his reconciliation talks with his ex.

Constantly talking good of his ex can be a red flag and might indicate that he still has feelings for her.

3. To rant about the heartbreak caused

Some people heal by venting their anger. Since you’re the closest to him now, he will likely talk about the pain the breakup has caused him.

It is also a way of telling you the agony they’ve gone through. They want you to pity them and not hurt their feelings again.

4. To make you jealous

When your boyfriend brings up his ex-girlfriend in conversations, it may not be to compare both of you. Rather, he may talk about the kind of person he used to be in a relationship.

He may talk about how he cares for his ex-girlfriend. He will recount the good things he has done for her and how it was bitterly paid in return with a breakup.

He feels all said could make you jealous to be committed to the relationship. He thinks it is a way of you being curious to see the positive side of his behaviour.

5. To make you open up about your past

Most guys purposely talk about their past relationships to trigger your mind to be able to discuss yours.

They think that’s the best way to obtain the deepest secret about your past. They try to set you up by telling you the emotional part of their experience with their ex.

They can go deep about their sexcapade. So you will feel comfortable telling them about yours in return.

They will also tell you about their bad and good memories. They are only interested in your story and want to figure out the kind of person you’re to your ex-boyfriend.

6. Notice of what to Expect in the relationship

He may talk about his ex-girlfriend as an indirect way of telling you what he likes and dislikes in a relationship.

He shares details of his past relationships to make you know him better, what he could tolerate from you and what he could not.

Some minor, ugly behaviors can be deal-breakers for him.

7. To seek understanding and determine mistakes to avoid

Sometimes, talking about an ex-girlfriend might be a way for him to explain his emotional baggage or past traumas.

Sharing these experiences could help you understand him better. It can also serve as a cautionary tale.

By discussing what went wrong in previous relationships, individuals might express what they’ve learned and what they want to avoid in their current relationship.

ALSO READ: Reasons He Sleeps With You But Doesn’t Want A Relationship

8. To make himself look Good and Experienced

Your boyfriend may want to impress you. He may think the best way to achieve this is to talk about his years of experience in relationship issues.

He believes this could make you think he is knowledgeable enough to handle relationship issues maturely.

By talking about his girlfriend, he is likely trying to talk about his sacrifices in the relationship.

In these instances, he will recount the expensive gifts he has bought for her. Some guys are fond of stating this, especially at the talking stage of their new relationship.

It is a way of presenting themselves as good gifters to their new partner.

9. To find closure

People get tired when they repeatedly talk about something or overthink it. This may be the case for your boyfriend.

If he has not gotten over his ex, he feels talking about her will help him to process and assess his feelings and navigate the best way to move on.

At a point, we want someone to pour our hearts onto. Some people get better after communicating their pains or dissatisfaction.

However, if he is talking more about his ex, it could be a sign that he is not ready to move on with you.

10. To determine the future with you

He may talk about his past to determine the kind of person you are. He wants to be sure you are the girl he needs for a serious relationship.

He may be trying to see how you react when he talks about his ex. If you get jealous or insecure, that could be a red flag for him.

It could be a way of getting your stance on relationship matters.

He will decide whether you are compatible as a partner through your reaction and perspective toward his account of the story between him and his ex.

Tips for handling Guys that bring up their ex-girlfriend in conversation

1. Communicate Directly

The first step to handling such a situation is to express your feelings about the whole topic. Let him understand the impact the subject is having on you.

Tell him directly. However, you don’t have to be mean or rude. You could say, “I am uncomfortable talking about your ex. Can we change the subject?”.

Also, if you need to figure out why he brings up his ex issue consistently, ask him why he does so.

This will help you to understand his motives and get a better sense of his feelings.

You should also ask him to respect your feelings and be more mindful of the topic in future conversations.

2. Set Boundaries

If you’re not comfortable talking about his ex, let him know. You have the right to set boundaries in your relationships and shouldn’t feel pressured to talk about something that makes you uncomfortable.

For example, you could say, “I’m not comfortable talking about your ex anymore. If you want to talk about her, we can talk about it later in the future, but I don’t want to talk about her right now.”

Tell him the preferred topic you would rather discuss and let your discomfort be politely expressed. Also, ensure you don’t talk about your ex as well for any reason.

3. Avoid Comparisons

Avoid comparing yourself to his ex-girlfriend or asking questions that lead to comparisons.

Focus on building your connection with him based on your unique qualities and shared interests.

Don’t, for any reason, refer to the story of his ex-girlfriend he has shared with you if you feel uncomfortable about his ex-topics.

ALSO READ: What To Do When He Pulls Away From You

4. Shift the Conversation

Gently steer the conversation in a different direction. Ask about his hobbies, interests, or plans for the future.

This redirection will subtly communicate your disinterest in discussing his past relationship.

Also, encourage discussions about positive and enjoyable experiences. This will help create a more pleasant and engaging atmosphere in your interactions.

Always Emphasize the importance of living in the present and building a new connection with you.

Remind him that you are interested in getting to know him for who he is now, not who he was with his ex-girlfriend.

5. Be Calm and Patient

Try to remain composed and patient when he mentions his ex. Being visibly upset or angry might make the situation awkward and won’t help constructively address the issue.

It is essential to note that people talk about their past relationships for various reasons, which doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not interested in you.

Give him the benefit of the doubt.

You can give him space to help process his feelings if he still deals with emotions from his past relationship. However, let him know why you’re currently giving him space.

6. Evaluate the Relationship

If he consistently brings up his ex and doesn’t seem emotionally available for a new relationship, you may need to reassess being his girlfriend at the time.

You can’t pause your life for him. If he doesn’t change, you can offer to end the relationship.

Final Thoughts

Regardless of the reason, bringing up ex-girlfriends in conversation can sometimes be a sensitive topic for others involved.

Both parties must communicate openly and honestly about their feelings and boundaries to maintain a healthy and respectful relationship.

If you’re uncomfortable with the topic, please let him know or discuss your concerns openly. Where love prevails, it’s an issue you can comfortably sort out with understanding.

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