Why Am I Toxic And How To Change

Photo of author
Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

Sharing Is Caring
why am i toxic and how to change

Humans will no doubt face more challenges that hurt and make them angry. It is a normal unpleasant thing that destabilizes our mental state.

The first step to breaking out of any problem is admitting to it. 

Though it may be hard to believe, you have that low voice in your mind already telling you your behavior recently has some sprinkle of toxic traits. 

Why am I toxic and how to change

If you have admitted to this behavior, one common realization you should have noticed is that you breed hate and negativity mindset.

Negativity and hate are two foundational factors of every toxic behavior. Everyone wants their mental health stable, and if you see people avoiding you more often, you need to check your toxic personality. 

A toxic trait is an unconscious behavior you do towards others that impact their lives negatively and make it difficult for them to live with you. 

It is an unsupportive behavior that is stressful and disrespectful to people. 

It may be trying to forcefully control people, causing them emotional pains, exhibiting manipulative character, or attacking people who disagree with your opinion.

You easily misunderstand people and interpret and cancel people’s opinions.

ALSO READ: How To Pull Away From Him To Get His Attention

 A toxic character can appear in any context. It can be relationship abuse, domestic violence, or acting weird in a professional environment. 

This behavior can degenerate into mental imbalance, and the reason for it can be due to any of the following underlining defects.

What Causes A Toxic Habit

There is no known way a toxic habit is formed in humans. The cultural and social norms of every individual defer.

There are inconsistencies and fractions of behaviors in different cultures. Socially acceptable behavior in a cultural environment of an abuser may be norms practiced where they were brought up. Staying long in such an environment can shape their perception of toxic behavior. 

 Also, human beings are fundamentally copycats. We quickly learn behaviors by unconsciously modeling others around us. 

Observing toxic traits too much and seeing them normalized can be absorbed and become what we exhibit daily. It can start from mere derogatory comments or small lies here and there.

When these little comments and reactions are left unchecked, they become behavior patterns with toxic consequences. 

However, there are ways to identify toxic behavior. You should assess yourself if any of these signs are what you exhibit.

Sign Of A Toxic Behaviour

1. You are jealous of everyone’s achievement

It is a toxic behavior if you realize you are not happy for people with good news. You wish they never deserve the achievement or such achievement is supposed to be for you. 

You spend much of your time thinking about people’s accomplishments and possessions instead of being happy for them. 

Such envy will end up seeping into your social life. 

2. You always blame others for your problem

If you believe others should be accountable for your imperfection, you are close to being toxic. It is a toxic trait if you always tie your failure to another people’s cause. 

ALSO READ: How Long Can You Go Without Talking To Someone You Love

3. You build short time relationships with people

Does every single connection you have with people decrease rather than increase? Have you lost more friendships recently? It may be a big sign of toxic behavior.

Everyone needs their mental health stable. People avoid you because you cause more drama than they can bear. 

Whenever you try to engage people in personal conversation, they ignore or quickly change the topic to avoid your drama.

 Do you also wonder that you are the only person not invited to a gathering of all of your assumed friends? 

They fear you might cause another shameful drama on such an occasion. 

4. People don’t feel a good vibe after spending time with you

Even if your intention is pure, if you realize that people don’t show enthusiasm after you advise them or speak to them about an issue bothering them. You scare them more. 

Instead of suggesting solutions or motivating them to be hopeful, your advice sounds hateful and makes them cry by trash-talking or blaming them.

 Even if they need truth then, you need to be flexible and compassionate in offering your advice.

5. You always dominate conversations

Naturally, human beings are self-centered and want to pivot every conversation or argument to ensure it is their win. 

You forget that projecting our beliefs onto others takes a lot of humility and sound points. Forcing your opinion is not right; it only makes people scared of you. 

6. People feel you are manipulative

It is a toxic trait if you are too bossy to people inferior to you in a working environment, and they won’t feel convenient seeing you around.

If you induce people to do what their minds would not choose, it is a manipulative behavior that can make you appear scary before them.

You think you are wiser or smarter to use everybody around you for your gain. You tend to exercise a superiority complex behavior toward people that don’t even rate you.

7. It is difficult for you to make a polite apology

It is toxic if it is more pleasant to be defensive rather than tendering polite apologies whenever you err.

Maybe quick forgiveness from close people about your negative behavior has made you too convenient with the need to offer an apology if you make any mistake. 

Your toxicity will surface if you wrong a new person, and such a person may request an apology from you. You will find it meaningless to do, and it shoots into your ego.

ALSO READ: How Long Should The Silent Treatment Last

How to stop being a toxic person

It is a fallacy that can’t change in people. It can only take time and serious commitment.

 Here are what to do if you have any toxic traits mentioned above. 

1. Listen to people around you

A quick way of solving one’s toxic is accessing people’s comments on your behavior. 

If those around you have been commenting on any of the above signs, you should admit it and seek ways to solve the situation.

Also, people may be scared to tell you the outright truth about how your behavior affects them. You can always ask if they are convenient with the way you behave. 

Most people hold on to such behavior because they are too prideful to admit they are toxic and need help.

 First, lay off your ego and any self-importance you attach to yourself and listen to people’s opinions. 

2. Always contemplate before reacting

Toxic people hardly make a balance of their emotions before talking. They talk ruthlessly as it comes to their mind. 

One open secret is that people usually nurse deceit, lie, temper, and other seemingly toxic behavior. However, controlling it before it appears in your reaction when dealing with people makes them less toxic. 

Silent is golden; better keep silent during an angry situation or leave the scene before your emotion overcomes you. Always contemplate a situation before reacting to it.

3. Be positive about others

Always assume people are of good behavior before they prove otherwise. Not everyone is ready to take advantage of you or manipulate you. Their intention can be for good, not judging or harming you. 

Don’t be scared of people. Always have positive vibes and react to them mildly until you realize they aren’t worth your respect.

Leaving them to who they are is much better than trash-talking or hurting them. 

4. Be happy to see everyone win

Jealousy is a habit that rises to toxic behavior if not checked well. Don’t be jealous of people’s achievements and be always willing to be happy for them. 

Make sincere compliments and see fulfillment in every doing, don’t be a sadist. 

ALSO READ: Why Is My Ex Posting So Much On Social Media

5. Practice self-care

Toxicity can result from underlining discomfort like stress; maybe it is a defense mechanism you need to regain your mental energy. 

You need to free your brain and body from any form of discomfort. Go for a walk, ride a bicycle, change the environment, or read an inspirational book.

 By this, you can reshape your thinking and exhibit the acceptable standard of human behavior. 

6. Be ready to apologize to people you have hurt in the past 

Now that you’ve admitted you are a toxic person; the best thing is to get back to people who have distanced themselves from you due to your toxic behavior.

 Apologize to friends, family, and co-workers you’ve hurt with your negativity. Let them know you are now ready to be a changed person. 

7. Seek professional help

After every attempt to get the solution, you realize the behavior has become part of you so much that it is difficult to control. 

The quick best thing is to seek a mental therapist to help you overcome the behavior and give professional advice. 

In conclusion, Toxicity is so bad that it can make one lose people quickly. People will be scared of associating with you. 

However, it can be fixed only if you are ready to. 

The most fundamental part of the solution is always to listen to people’s comments on many of your destructive behaviors and live every day to ensure you are struggling to make changes.  

Leave a Comment