Signs He Hates You But Loves You

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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signs he hates you but loves you

You may be in a loving relationship, but like other women, you may notice signs he hates you but loves you simultaneously. 

When you don’t get a clear indication of his feelings, you may question where you stand in the relationship. Do you stand a chance, or should you just let him go? 

Such indecision can rob your romance of its spice and cool. There are many reasons why a guy might be giving off this vibe. 

He could be confused about his feelings, fearful of the speed at which the relationship progresses, or resentful that you are not giving him the attention he needs. 

His actions can spark a cycle of contradictory feelings. He could be all over you one minute, sending messages with heart emojis. And in the next minute, he is giving you a cold shoulder. 

In addition, men do not like to show emotional vulnerability because they fear it undermines their masculinity. So, he might use his occasional indifference to temper his expressions of love. 

Statistics have shown that 93% of singles who want to date someone prefer emotional vulnerability over other qualities. 

ALSO READ: How To Use Reverse Psychology To Get Him To Commit

If your guy is giving mixed signals, you might find it difficult to connect with him emotionally. 

This article will look at signs that a guy hates and loves you simultaneously.

Obvious signs he hates you but loves you

1. A continuous cycle of breakup and makeup

When a relationship becomes strained, breakups are never too far behind. 

Sometimes, they may signal a permanent end to a relationship, and other times, they may create a distance that will allow you to reconnect with the person you love. 

However, when breakups become a regular cycle of events, it is a sign that you are in a love-and-hate relationship. 

The frequency of the breakups shows that he hates you. This is particularly true if arguments and fights characterize the breakups. 

However, the fact that he always returns to you indicates that he loves you simultaneously.

2. Regular mood swings that affect his relationship with you

Mood swings occur due to many reasons. Hormonal imbalances or stressful events sometimes cause them. 

But frequent mood swings that directly impact your relationship are a sign that you are in a love-hate affair. 

You can have a lovely conversation in the evening; he is acting grumpy the following day. He could even snap when you try to pry and find out why he is acting that way. 

This makes you constantly doubt your worth to him. He does not value your companionship if he cannot communicate with you or explain why he is in a sour mood. 

Even if he hands you a bouquet of roses the next time he snaps into a good mood, you can’t be too sure how long the excitement will last. It’s a sign he hates you and loves you simultaneously.

3. Display of jealousy 

Jealousy in small doses can be a sign of love. After all, if one is not jealous when they see their partner with another in a serene environment, they do not value them deeply enough to crave exclusivity. 

However, jealousy can also lead to feelings of hate. Your guy could get so jealous that he starts to resent you. It could worsen if he refuses to address or outright deny the jealousy.

4. Saying one thing and doing another

Another clear sign that he hates but loves you is that there is a disconnect between what he says and what he does.

When you complain about his ambiguous behavior, he may promise to change and become conscious of your feelings, but he never lives up to his words. 

Regardless of the earnestness of his words, he continues to act moody, indifferent, or give off mixed signals. 

This behavior shows that although he loves you, he is unwilling to put in the work that can sail the relationship to the right path.

ALSO READ: How To Respond To An Ex Who Hurt You

5. Constant arguments

No matter how strong your connection is, you both cannot always live in perfect harmony. A little conflict is expected due to differences in outlook and perspective. 

However, when every night ends in fights and heated arguments, that is a red flag. The fights could indicate one of the following:

A. He is frustrated with the relationship and wants a way out

B. He resents you because you are not making him a priority etc.

However, he cares about you if he makes amends for his outbursts after the heat cools off. This situation can make it difficult to predict where his heart lies. 

6. Showing disinterest in public

He could be a real sweetheart in the privacy of your room, whispering sweet words and expressing deep affection to you, but when you both leave the house, he becomes a changed person.

He could go to lengths to separate from you, snap at you if you attempt to come close to him or avoid every form of public affection.

This means that while he likes you as a person, he doesn’t value you enough to flaunt you in public. 

This can make you wonder if he would ever be ready to take the bold step and walk you down the aisle. 

Because he is so soft and tender in private, it can be complicated to discard him and move on.

7. Indifference

What makes love really beautiful is that it gives you a companion. Companionship is a basic human need. 

You want to love someone who cares and always shows it.

Although your man might give you his attention, you might experience long, random episodes where he is indifferent to your plight. 

Indifference is even worse than a fight. 

When you argue and fight, you can tell that a problem needs to be solved. Indifference, on the other hand, leaves you to grope in the dark. 

8. Deceptive compliments

If your man compliments you and follows it up with a remark laced with wicked sarcasm, it is a sign that he is ambivalent about his feelings. 

A guy who loves you would be willing to state what he feels for you and compliment you. 

Adding wicked sarcastic remarks behind a compliment shows that he is unwilling to give you the pleasure of validation. 

The only kind of guy who would do that does not love you or is undecided about what he feels for you.

ALSO READ: The Reason He Wants To Marry You So Fast

How to handle when he hates you but loves you

If he shows signs he hates you but loves you simultaneously, you might wonder what to do. 

Handling the mixed signals can be complicated. Below are ways you can control the situation.

1. Communication is key

Communication is one of the most essential ingredients in romance. Talking to your man can clarify his plans for your relationship. 

Find a good time to broach the topic. Let him know that his actions are causing you to think twice about your affair with him.

Since you don’t know the reason for his hot and cold blowing, it is always best to approach the conversation with empathy. 

This will give him the space to be honest and help him relate with you better. It will also prevent the discussion from devolving into another round of heated arguments.

2. Find the underlying cause of the problem

Finding the cause of his actions will enable you to approach the situation better. There is a chance his behavior is not directly related to his relationship with you. 

His mood swings, for instance, could be due to work stress and psychological issues. His regular show of indifference might result from his childhood or past experience. 

When you understand why he acts the way he does, you can address the situation with clarity and empathy. 

3. Focus on yourself

As you find the root cause of the problem, it can be tempting to focus on every external factor but yourself. But a holistic approach requires that you also look inward. 

Do some self-reflection. Is your behavior pushing him away from you or making him reconsider committing to you? 

Do you always yearn for constant reassurance in your relationships because of some past experience?

Based on the attachment theory, people who fall under the ‘Anxious’ category constantly pursue reassurance to the point where it can affect their relationships. 

Be honest with your assessment. If you find yourself lacking in any way, take responsibility for your behavior and act accordingly. 

ALSO READ: Why He Didn’t Tell You He Was Seeing Someone Else

4. Seek professional help

Severe cases of mixed signals can be challenging to get through on your own. Your boyfriend might constantly resist every attempt to find a solution to the problem. 

If this is your situation, consulting a professional for couples therapy can be helpful. A therapist knows the right questions to ask to unearth the truth about your man’s behavior. 

However, another problem could be getting him to join you for therapy. If he is in denial concerning his actions, you will find it difficult to convince him that he needs the session. 

You can aim for moments when he shows signs of loving you to suggest therapy. 

Therapy will help you navigate complex emotions and help you decide if you want to continue the relationship.

5. Take a break from the relationship

Getting mixed signals from your man can be a sign of a toxic relationship. Healthy relationships entail clear, open communication, reassurance, and vulnerability. 

These elements are all lacking in relationships where your guy loves and hates you simultaneously. He is stingy with compliments, absent, and blows hot and cold. 

If you have tried unsuccessfully to salvage your relationship, consider parting ways with him temporarily. 

Toxic relationships can take a toll on you and it will be better to take a break from him and engage in self-care. 

If your absence does not make him yearn for your presence, you should consider parting ways permanently.


It can be draining when your man loves and hates you simultaneously. You find yourself constantly second-guessing and walking on eggshells. 

This is not ideal. A loving relationship is steady and reassuring. Dating someone cold to your plight or always warming up for a fight can affect your mental health. 

When you observe signs he hates you but loves you, you must address the situation head-on. Cultivating an environment for healthy discussion in your relationship can allow you easy access to your man. 

Remember that you don’t need to hold on to a relationship that does not serve you. There is no harm in calling it quits when it doesn’t serve its purpose. It’s just self-love. 

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