My Boyfriend Finds My Best Friend Attractive

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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my boyfriend finds my best friend attractive

Are you in a situation where you keep asking yourself, does my boyfriend finds my best friend attractive? Don’t worry, you are not alone. 

This scenario plays out in movies and TV shows, yet it will likely make you feel insecure and uncomfortable when it happens in real life. 

No matter how we try to water it down, it hurts when the person you are romantically involved with finds your best friend attractive, pushing you to the edge of insecurity.

This realization can stir up mixed emotions like jealousy, confusion and even self-doubt.

When you find yourself in such a situation, relax and act according to the listed ways below on how to handle it. 

In a research article from the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, about 70% of respondents acknowledged feeling attracted to someone besides their significant other. 

Both friendship and romantic relationships should have preset boundaries and natural expectations. 

If one party fails to respect this boundary, it tests the strength and trust of all parties involved. 

As we dive deeper into this topic, we’ll explore how to handle these feelings and offer insights into building understanding and communication in such situations.

ALSO READ: Why Does He Want Me When He Has A Girlfriend

Reasons my boyfriend finds my best friend attractive

Being aware of your boyfriend’s attraction to your best friend should not bring a dispute in your relationship. Your boyfriend cannot be blamed entirely; such attraction can come even when it means no harm. 

Also, it is one thing to feel attracted, and it is another to act on it. 

 That is why exploring the potential reasons behind such feelings is essential to gain a better understanding and perspective. 

It’s vital to remember that attraction can manifest in various forms and doesn’t always indicate romantic intent.

1. Mutual interests

A shared love for certain hobbies or activities can naturally foster a connection. 

When your boyfriend and best friend find joy in the same activities, it can lead to a heightened sense of camaraderie, which might be mistaken for attraction.

2. Acknowledging her beauty

At times, acknowledging someone’s good looks doesn’t mean there’s a romantic intention. 

Your boyfriend can notice your friend’s beauty without any underlying romantic intentions. 

So, if your boyfriend compliments your best friend or steals glances, he may not have any romantic intentions at heart for her; he might just be acknowledging her beauty, and there is nothing bad about it if he respectfully does this.

3. Distinct personality characteristics

Certain characteristics might resonate with your boyfriend. It could be your friend’s wit, determination, or any trait he finds intriguing. 

This admiration for traits doesn’t always translate to romantic intent.

4. The allure of difference

Interacting with different individuals brings a fresh perspective. This change can sometimes be mistaken for attraction when it’s merely an appreciation of diversity. 

Don’t be caught in this web; make sure you don’t make hasty assumptions or confront any parties.

5. Past connections

If they’ve known each other for years, shared memories and experiences can form a deep platonic bond. 

This mostly applies if they are childhood friends or colleagues at work. Their connection can get so deep that you might feel uncomfortable. 

If you find yourself in this situation, it is important to respect what they share.

6. Distant admiration

Your boyfriend can admire your friend for a specific attribute. 

Just as many people have a distant admiration for notable personalities, someone can admire another’s attributes without wanting a deeper connection.

7. Natural instinct

Humans instinctively recognize and appreciate positive qualities in others. This recognition doesn’t always translate to a romantic interest. 

He may naturally be attracted to your friend without knowing why; if he doesn’t cross the line, there’s no reason to worry.

8. Reflective assessment

Occasionally, individuals reflect on their relationships by comparing them with others. 

This isn’t out of dissatisfaction but merely a way to understand their relationship dynamics better. 

If this is the case, it is better if he opens up so you both can navigate this phase together.

9. Affirmation seeking

Everyone likes to feel valued. Interacting with someone they find appealing, even in a non-romantic context, can be a confidence booster for some. 

Seeking validation is not entirely a bad thing. However, it can be the reason why your boyfriend is attracted to your friend.

11. Perception vs reality

At times, when your head is telling you my boyfriend finds my best friend attractive, it could just be a strong bond of friendship, respect, or shared experiences. 

Don’t be in a hurry to conclude; that connection you think could be an attraction between your best friend and boyfriend could just be in your head.

ALSO READ: How He Feels When You Stop Chasing Him

How do I handle it when my boyfriend finds my best friend attractive

Picture this, you have a perfect romantic relationship and, at the same time, the unwavering support of a best friend; this is arguably one of the best connections ever. 

However, when these two worlds intersect unexpectedly, it can cast a shadow of uncertainty over both relationships.

If you are faced with this situation, step one, don’t be in a hurry to summon either party. You need to be smart about this.

 Here are 14 ways to navigate this tricky situation.

1. Open dialogue

Good communication is the foundation of every relationship. That’s why you should approach the topic with your boyfriend non-confrontationally. 

Discussing your feelings can help in understanding his perspective and clarifying any misconceptions. 

When you have a healthy conversation with your spouse, you may realize there is nothing to worry about in the first place.

2. Self-assessment

Before reacting, ask yourself, “why does their friendship bother me?”. Is it insecurity, fear of loss, or perhaps jealousy? 

Understanding your own emotions can help you address the core issue.

3. Trust your partner

Taking action when you notice this attraction can be misinterpreted as a lack of trust, especially if he has not given you reasons to doubt him in the past. 

And if your boyfriend opens up to tell you how he feels about your friend, he has been honest with you about his feelings, it shows trust. 

Value that trust and remember that being attracted to someone doesn’t automatically mean he will act upon those feelings.

4. Seek clarity

If you need clarification on the depth of his attraction, ask for specifics. 

Knowing the difference between mere admiration and genuine attraction can decide how you handle the situation.

5. Avoid blame

Pointing fingers can escalate the situation. Instead of blaming, try to understand the reasons behind the attraction without making it a point of contention. 

We all know that such attraction from someone you love towards your best friend can put you on the edge; however, it is always better to avoid confrontation.

6. Empathize with his perspective

Try to see things from his point of view. Understanding his feelings without judgment can provide valuable insights into your relationship. 

It is not always his fault; it is most likely not intentional.

7. Reassess boundaries

If the atmosphere when both parties are together makes you feel uncomfortable, then it is time to re-evaluate personal boundaries with your boyfriend and best friend. 

Setting clear boundaries ensures all parties understand and respect each other’s limits.

8. Talk to your best friend

Share your feelings with your best friend. If she’s truly your friend, she’ll understand your concerns and provide her perspective, helping to clear any doubts. 

Politely approach your friend, ask as many questions as you want and avoid confrontation.

9. Strengthen your relationship

You may feel jealous if you think they share a better connection; this means one thing, it is time to work on your relationship.

 Focus on strengthening the bond with your boyfriend. Spend quality time together, participate in couple’s activities, and rekindle the romance.

10. Avoid Jumping to conclusions

Making hasty decisions based on assumptions can damage your relationships. Ensure that you have all the facts before making any moves.

11. Acknowledge your emotions

Accepting and addressing your feelings is essential. Whether it’s insecurity or jealousy, confronting these emotions head-on will help you cope better. 

If you stay in denial, you’ll unconsciously damage your relationship without knowing.

12. Build self-confidence

Boost your self-worth. Engage in activities that make you feel confident and loved, and ensure that external factors don’t shake your self-esteem. 

This way, you will understand that your boyfriend’s attraction towards your friend is platonic and in most cases, temporary.

13. Evaluate your relationship health

Periodically assess the health of your relationship; the reason for the attraction may be that your relationship is not as solid as it should be. 

If such situations arise often, it might indicate underlying issues that need to be addressed. This way, you can sort the root cause instead of chasing shadows.

14. Practice patience

Time is a great healer. Instead of making impulsive decisions, give yourself time to process the situation and your emotions.

With patience, you’ll be better equipped to deal with the situation rationally. 

Try not to lose your boyfriend and best friend because of insecurity if you find no reason to worry. 


In relationships, trust and open communication are paramount. It’s natural for individuals to find others attractive, regardless of their commitment to a partner. 

What matters most is how these feelings are addressed and managed. A breakup thought can start from my boyfriend finds my best friend attractive, then insecurities and doubts. 

It is crucial to remember that attraction doesn’t necessarily equate to acting upon said feelings. Instead of allowing jealousy or insecurity to cloud your judgment, it’s productive to engage in open dialogue about these emotions. 

By addressing concerns head-on and fostering an environment of trust, couples can navigate this potentially tricky terrain. 

Moreover, it’s essential to differentiate between physical attraction and emotional fidelity. Trust in a partner’s commitment is the foundation of any strong relationship. 

As partners, nurturing an understanding that acknowledges human nature while valuing the bond shared can lead to even deeper intimacy and trust. 

It’s all about balance, communication, and ensuring that both individuals feel valued and secure in the relationship.

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