Searching for true love is one of the hurdles of life. After many dates, one may be fortunate to find a soulmate, but being in a relationship with them may be impossible.
Such can be heartbreaking and highly frustrating, regardless of the reason.
However, the sad reality is that if two people love each other, it is not enough to guarantee they must be in a committed relationship.
Love is not always enough to sustain a relationship. Other factors include health compatibility, proximity, communication strength, and having the same social and cultural values and beliefs.
While some can be worked on with good communication and readiness to make sacrifices by both partners, others cant be easily changed.
Suppose you’re in a situation of we love each other but not in a relationship. In that case, the best solution is to communicate how you feel if there can be a possibility for a relationship.
It will let you understand if the feeling is mutual and what the future holds for both of you.
If you’re both on the same page, that will help determine whether to pursue being officially in a relationship.
It is pertinent to establish that you can give a relationship a chance only when the feeling is mutual. If it is the opposite, it is best to drain the feeling you both have.
You need to be certain that the feeling is mutual, then you can assess the major reasons you’re not yet in a relationship.
Both of you need to know the next action to take when you are confident you love each other.
But before knowing what to do, you should know the reasons why we love each other but not in a relationship.
Reasons why we love each other but not in a relationship
1. Uncertainty of the future
Life comes with lots of fear of uncertainty. The fear of what the future might hold for both of you could be why you don’t want to be in a committed relationship with the person you love.
You fear they might change in character or have some setback that can make them less of who they are now. Also, you may feel they’re not integrating you into their plan enough.
2. Emotional barriers
While you are both certain you love each other, some emotional concerns can prevent you from being fully ready to start a relationship.
Maybe you have an anger issue that you need to work on before starting a relationship. You may feel the other partner is too clingy.
While you are an introvert, the other person might be an extrovert which might not align with the trait you need in a partner.
All these differences are worthy signs to contemplate before venturing into a relationship with the person you love.
3. Fear of Commitment
One or both individuals may fear commitment or hesitate to enter a serious relationship.
This fear can be caused by various factors, such as past experiences, concerns about losing independence, or fear of getting hurt.
The fear of being in a relationship can also arise if one is going through some personal challenges.
4. Individual priorities
If both of you have committed activities that take much of your attention, starting a relationship could be a burden despite loving each other.
These priorities could include career aspirations, personal growth, family responsibilities, or other commitments that make it difficult to devote time and energy to a relationship.
5. Lack of readiness for compromise
Relationships thrive on an innumerable number of sacrifices. Both parties are bound to make mistakes. There is a need for tolerance to build a healthy relationship.
You both must compromise someday and be willing to work through challenges together.
If none of you are ready or willing to make compromises or sacrifices for the sake of the relationship, it can indicate a lack of readiness for a committed partnership.
6. Hesitant to define The Relationship
Despite having strong feelings, either of you might be hesitant to define the relationship or label it officially.
There may be a desire to keep things ambiguous or maintain a more casual arrangement due to not being ready for a committed relationship.
7. Fear of losing friendship
You might genuinely value your friendship and fear pursuing a romantic relationship could jeopardize or damage what you both had.
This could be true, especially if the feeling is one-sided. After admitting your feelings, you will feel disappointed or not good enough to continue the friendship if the other person doesn’t feel the same.
There might be a conflict of interest and you both may decide to part ways from the relationship; it might lead to not returning as friends anymore.
This fear can prevent you from starting a romantic relationship, despite loving each other.
8. Bad Experience in Past Relationships
Breakups hurt. It is mentally stressful, especially if you were dumped in the past. People who recently broke up may find it difficult to venture into another.
Even if the new person they recently met shares a mutual feeling with them, they may be taking their time to heal.
If they were the ones that dumped their previous partner, it could mean they are unsure of what they want in a partner, or they feel unready to share their life with someone else.
9. Communication Problem
Poor communication or misunderstandings can prevent individuals from distinctly expressing their feelings and intentions.
Lack of communication can lead to doubt and ultimately hinder the development of any relationship.
You may be mutually in love, but you don’t communicate your feelings to one another.
Communication makes you understand each other better, giving you the expected understanding and sacrifices to make the relationship work.
10. Irreconcilable Differences
Some differences may deter you from having the love of your life to yourself. Different life goals or values may affect the relationship.
If you are in different stages of life, one person may be ready for marriage, while the other wants no marriage commitment.
Incompatibility in medical reports could also be a barrier. The intending partner may have different genotypes or terminal ailments that could make them not give the relationship a chance.
Differences in proximity could also pose a barrier. Relationships may only be convenient to you if you are both physically and geographically available for each other.
Long-distance relationships may not be an option for either of you to explore. Finally, cultural background or religious differences can also make it difficult to have a successful relationship.
Ways to handle we love each other but not in a relationship
1. Know why the Relationship cannot Work
The common saying is that love conquers all, but this is not always true. Sometimes, love cannot overcome some obstacles.
Identify and understand why you can’t be in a relationship. If you are the issue, think of what to do to make you befitting for a dating experience.
If the other person is the issue, be ready to communicate what you think they can do.
If the issue involves where you both need to compromise, let the other person understand why you must make sacrifices.
For instance, if the issue is proximity and you are both not ready for a distance relationship, then you can mutually agree on a convenient time to be available for each other.
2. Stop getting addicted to them
Falling in love comes with excitement and hope. If you both think you cant salvage the situation by giving the relationship a chance, the best thing is to stop being addicted to them. It is painful, but that is the best thing to do.
Otherwise, you will get into an unrequited circle that you will regret. Distract yourself from thinking about the person.
It may not be easy at first, but the moment you start engaging in other activities, you will slowly stop being addicted to them.
3. Set boundaries
If you realize the feeling won’t lead to a proper relationship, think of putting an end to your love desires. Establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from possible emotional trauma.
Defining what you’re comfortable with and what you need to maintain a healthy mindset.
This may include limiting certain activities or conversations that could intensify your feelings. Limit your talking time or let your communication be strictly formal.
However, if possible, ensure you discuss the need to set boundaries with the other person.
4. Communicate openly
Have an honest conversation with the other person about your feelings. Share your thoughts and concerns, and listen to their perspective as well.
Open communication can help you understand where you stand and what you expect from each other.
5. Focus on personal growth
Instead of solely investing your energy in the unrequited relationship, channel it into personal growth and self-improvement.
Pursue your passions, develop new hobbies, and work on becoming the best version of yourself.
This can help you gain momentum and find fulfillment outside your feelings for each other.
Also, take care of your well-being by engaging in self-care activities.
This can include exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies, or seeking professional help through therapy.
This can improve your emotional resilience and overall happiness. However, be open to new possibilities. Stay open to meeting new people and nurturing new connections.