A romantic relationship is one of the complex and emotionally charged aspects of human life where two people come together to invest their time, energy, and emotion to build a relationship that can lead to marriage.
But sometimes, people may seek affection outside of their relationship. This may lead to heartbreak, betrayal, distrust, and ultimately end with a breakup.
Cheating is a breach of trust that can cause serious emotional trauma to both parties.
The emotional distress of the betrayed victim is widely acknowledged and discussed, but the cheaters’ emotional experience, especially after a breakup, is not much considered.
How do Cheaters feel after break up?
Some cheaters would wallow in regrets, guilt, and emotional breakdown after a breakup, especially if the cheating experience was their first.
They may be haunted by the stigma of being labeled a cheater if people widely know them, which may taint their dignity and make them less trusted.
They will also feel bad because they lose their partner to their insatiable quest of infidelity, especially if they invested a lot in the lost relationship.
On the other hand, other cheaters might not feel remorseful after their betrayed partner breaks up with them.
These sets of cheaters do not care about the consequences of their actions. They are either tired of the relationship or do not genuinely love their partner.
Cheaters encounter different emotional spectrums according to their individual differences.
The longevity and their commitment to the relationship before the breakup can also affect how cheaters feel.
Their reasons for cheating also determine how they may feel after the breakup. Lastly, their character and reputation can tell how they would handle the post-breakup experience.
In this article, I will explore the possible emotional journeys that cheaters usually experience after their partner breaks up. Read on.
ALSO READ: How To Make Someone Feel Guilty For Cheating On You
How cheaters feel after a breakup
1. They might feel guilt and a little bit of shame
Humans naturally feel guilty after they realize their mistakes. It is expected of a cheater to amplify a sense of guilt after their partner breaks up with them.
They know they’ve betrayed the trust in the relationship. They are aware their partner will have to grunt in the pain of heartbreak for days and may not move on easily.
Cheaters also feel ashamed after a breakup if their relationship is widely known to the public. They might feel disappointed in themselves.
Shame can affect their self-esteem and confidence.
2. They feel lonely and Isolated
Post-breakup can be a lonely moment for both the betrayed and the cheater. But while the betrayed may feel relieved knowing about his ex’s distrust quickly, the cheater may struggle with isolation.
This is because their actions are socially unacceptable. Besides, they will feel they have lost the respect of people who look up to them based on their status.
While they wallow in isolation, they will find it difficult to seek social support.
3. They feel free
Infidelity is a heavy burden on cheaters. Those who engage in it will always have to tell multiple lies to cover up their cheating.
They may feel relieved after their partner realizes the truth and breaks up. They may feel free from the fear of being caught and the anxiety of telling lies.
If they cheat because their partner doesn’t match their standard, they will feel relieved after a breakup.
They may concentrate on building a connection with the person they’ve cheated with.
Their breakup ends the secrecy they’ve been having with their new partner. Also, if the relationship has been toxic, they will feel relieved of the bondage after the separation.
4. They feel indifference
If cheaters have stopped loving their partner and moved on from the relationship, they won’t be sad if the betrayed victim initiates the breakup.
Some cheaters feel indifferent after a breakup because they were never emotionally invested in the relationship in the first place.
It means they were simply using the other person as a means to an end.
5. Anxiety and confusion
Anxiety may set in for cheaters after their partner breaks up with them. They become more worried about finding a new person who can match their preference.
They also worry about how their actions can affect their future romantic life. They will also feel anxious to know what people now think about them, especially if they’re influential and known for decency.
Also, cheaters do feel a mix of emotions. They get emotionally confused about reconciling with their betrayed partner or starting a new beginning.
They struggle with revisiting the past or moving on for the better.
6. Lost of trust
Cheaters, when caught, lose the trust of their partner. This means they violate the trust their partner once had in them.
After a breakup, a cheater may feel lost and unsure how to rebuild the trust that was once bestowed on them.
Also, People around them may feel concerned about creating a healthy relationship with them because they fear they are untrustworthy.
7. Fear of social stigma
Where cheating is socially condemnable, cheaters may feel some sort of social condemnation post-breakup.
They know their actions will be viewed negatively by those close to them. They do have the fear of being judged or condemned by their friends, family, or community.
The fear of stigma can lead to shame, guilt, and even depression. It will affect their self-confidence and make it difficult to seek help or support after a breakup.
8. Anger
Anger is another common emotion that happens to cheaters after a breakup. They can be angry towards their former partner for ending the relationship or to themselves for causing the separation.
They can blame themselves for not being smart enough to get caught. They can also fault their ex-partner’s actions for pushing them to commit infidelity.
They can also feel angry towards the person they cheated with or those who know about it and condemn their infidelity.
Anger is a way for cheaters to justify their actions and deflect responsibility for the breakup. It can also be a way of controlling the situation.
9. Reflection for growth
Post-breakup could allow some cheaters to reflect on their mistakes and embrace personal growth.
It is time cheaters examine why they cheated and reflect on what to do to prevent it from happening in the future.
The time of reflection may allow them to gain a new perspective on handling future relationships.
Beyond their reflection, they can seek the aid of a therapist or counselor to address the underlying issues that led to their infidelity.
They will also, at the time, know how to handle the social stigma and distrust at the time.
ALSO READ: When A Cheater Realises They Made A Mistake
How to move on from cheating in a relationship
1. Allow your emotions
Humans are fallible and can only improve by learning from their mistakes. You might have made a great mistake, but you also need to bear the brunt emotionally.
There may be mixed emotions of sadness, guilt, confusion, and anger simultaneously. Take time to process all the emotion and grief over the lost relationship.
2. Recognize your mistake
Recognize and take responsibility for making a mistake. Do not blame anyone but yourself for cheating. Cheating was a choice you made, and it had consequences.
Don’t blame your ex-partner or the person you cheated with as a reason for your mistake. You solely cause the breakup to happen.
After recognition, the next thing is to apologize to your partner sincerely. Be prepared to see their reactions. They may feel hurt, sad, or angry. Allow them to process these feelings.
The purpose of the apology is to show you’re responsible for what happened. Understand that the relationship may not recover. They may forgive you but fear getting back into the relationship.
3. Allow reflection
Reflecting on the issue that led you to cheat aids in preventing the recurrence in the future.
If you cheated because of peer pressure, it’s time to recognize that you must dissociate yourself from such friends.
If you cheated because you feel dissatisfied in the relationship, remember the best is to break apart or communicate your concerns.
If you cheated because of unresolved feelings, reflection could help you consider seeking professional care.
4. Forgive yourself and embrace growth
Recognize that you’re human and mistakes are part of life. Everyone has done things they later regret, so you’re not alone on this.
Forgiving yourself is a critical aspect of your healing process. This requires letting go of the guilt and shame related to your misdeed.
Treat yourself with the compassion and kindness you may offer a close friend facing a similar situation. Self-compassion helps alleviate guilt and shame.
See your mistake as an opportunity for personal growth. Recount what you’ve learned from the experience, and think of how to become a better person.
5. Do not reach out to your ex
Cheating can irreparably damage trust and make the relationship seem impossible again.
It may be difficult, but it is best to cut off communication with your ex-partner if the chances of getting back together are not on the table.
It aids your healing process. Disconnect anything that can make you remember them, including social media connections, photos, or physical items shared.
They will also heal faster if they can’t see you around.
6. Rebuild trust
You are moving on means you have to clean up your tainted image before the public if you are a role model to people.
Let your family and friends be aware you’re now a changed person. You can showcase this by condemning cheating on social media and relating how it affected you.
Be more consistent and transparent in all you do.
7. Seek support
If the breakup drains you emotionally, call on family or friends who can help you gain better insight.
You can also consider having a counseling session with a professional. They will help you gain insight into your behavior and provide clear strategies to move on quickly.
Final thought
Cheating is distasteful and caused by a lack of discipline. It exposes both parties to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. It’s right to desert any cheating partner.
However, everyone, at some point, can make mistakes. If a cheater feels remorseful for their action and is working on being trustworthy, their partner may consider reconciliation.