Why Won’t He Marry Me After 10 Years

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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why won't he marry me after 10 years

Marriage signifies a lifetime commitment and a bond between two individuals who have developed trust and deep affection for each other, functioning as a unified team.

You’re not alone if you’ve been together for ten years and marriage isn’t on his radar. Many men, irrespective of their age and background, exhibit reluctance when it comes to tying the knot.

So, what could be the reasons and why won’t he marry me after 10 years? Why the hesitation? This article outlines possible reasons for his hesitation, offering hope for those seeking to salvage the relationship.

The reasons why won’t he marry you after 10 years?

1. Succumbing to Peer Pressure

Some men choose not to marry simply because they want to conform to the lifestyle of other single men in their social circles.

If your partner has an older brother or a close friend who has embraced bachelorhood, he might be influenced to follow suit.

Men often prefer to go with the flow and remain single if their friends are not settling down. If his peers are still single in their age group, he may likely be too.

2. The Illusion of No Commitment Needed

Sometimes, women unintentionally fulfil all the roles and responsibilities of a wife without an official commitment. Why would he feel compelled to take the next step in such cases?

If you’re providing all the benefits of a wife without the official title, it might lead to complacency on his part. 

Avoid taking on all the wifely duties without knowing about his stand in marriage. Allow him to realize the value of marriage and what he stands to gain from it.

ALSO READ: When A Woman Realizes She Has Lost A Good Man

3. Timing and Age Considerations

Even after being together for a decade, he might not consider himself ready for marriage due to age-related factors. The age at which men feel prepared to commit varies from person to person.

Educational pursuits can also play a role in determining readiness. 

For instance, those with a high school education might be ready by 24, while graduate students may take longer years. 

However, after reaching 35, the willingness to commit often declines, and marriage after 40 or 50 becomes less likely.

4. Socioeconomic Factors

Socioeconomic conditions can significantly impact a man’s willingness to commit. 

If he’s financially stable and can afford to own a house or start a business, he might prioritize his independence and be reluctant to get married.

On the other hand, if he’s struggling financially or needs a steady income, he may feel unequipped to support a wife, leading to hesitation in marriage. 

Men value their independence, regardless of their financial situation.

5. Doubts About the Institution of Marriage

Many men hold varying beliefs about marriage. Some see it as an outdated tradition that no longer fits modern society. 

In contrast, others reject the idea of a lifetime commitment, preferring to live in the present without committing themselves to a lifetime partnership.

Additionally, some men might avoid marriage due to the perceived hassle and expense of a wedding. 

Regardless of the reasons, plenty of men are content with singlehood and don’t feel the need to commit to marriage.

6. Unrealistic Expectations

Living in the age of social media can raise expectations to unrealistic levels. 

As women see extravagant proposals, luxurious lifestyles, and large families on their screens, they might unknowingly raise their expectations.

However, overwhelming your partner with such high expectations can be counterproductive. 

Men may shy away from the situation if they feel pressured. Communicating your desires effectively and expressing that you only seek a reasonable commitment is essential.

7. Comparing Relationships

Men who constantly compare their relationships with others may be stuck in a toxic and unsatisfying relationship. 

If your partner fails to appreciate your efforts and commitment after a decade, it’s unlikely that he’ll change his stance.

If you suspect this is the case, take a moment to contemplate your future and consider having an honest conversation about your relationship’s future.

8. Past Negative Experiences

A history of bad experiences with marriage, either personal or witnessed within close circles, can instil fear in a man, deterring him from considering marriage.

Whether he has been through a divorce or has the fallout of failed marriages in his family or friends, these experiences might make him hesitant to commit. 

Understand that such incidents don’t necessarily make a man unsuitable for marriage, they require more patience and understanding.

9. The Comfort Zone Effect

After being together for a decade, you both might have established a solid and comfortable routine. 

Men and women often have different priorities when leaving their comfort zones for marriage.

Women are generally more willing to embrace change for the sake of marriage, while men may be more hesitant to disrupt their current contentment. 

To address this issue, having an open and heart-to-heart conversation about your intentions and desire for marriage is crucial.

10. Past Wounds

Past relationship traumas could influence your partner’s hesitation to marry you. 

It’s essential to understand if he has been hurt in previous relationships and is afraid of history repeating itself.

Even if he recognizes that you are different from his past partners, the fear of getting hurt again might linger. 

Give him the time and space to work through these emotions and show him that you are not the source of his past pain.

11. Need for Motivation

Some men might not view marriage as essential and might not feel driven or pressured to propose. 

If your relationship is harmonious and fulfilling without formal commitment, he might not see a reason to change his status.

While giving him an ultimatum isn’t recommended, you can gently encourage him to see the positive aspects of marriage and how it can enhance your bond.

12. Fear of Commitment

Men may often shy away from marriage because they fear losing their freedom and independence. 

Although he might already be committed to the relationship, formalizing it with marriage can be intimidating.

Taking vows and walking down the aisle might trigger anxiety in some men, possibly fueled by societal pressures or the teasing they might face from their single friends.

13. Wanting the Best for You

He might not be ready to marry you because he wants to create a better life for both of you first. 

It’s not that he doubts your suitability as a partner; instead, he desires to offer you the best he can.

He likely aspires to provide an extraordinary engagement ring and a grand romantic proposal. 

He wants to be in a position where he can care for you in all possible ways.

14. Perceiving Marriage as a Mere Formality

For some individuals, marriage is considered a piece of paper that doesn’t hold much significance. 

While they may value love and commitment, they might not see the need for a legal contract to affirm their feelings.

If your partner holds this belief, it’s unlikely he can be convinced otherwise, as he may have expressed this viewpoint from the start. 

Men tend to be straightforward in their communication; when he speaks about something, take his words at face value and avoid overanalyzing. 

Accept his stance without interpreting it as challenging if he states that he doesn’t believe in marriage.

Please resist the temptation to make it your mission to change his beliefs. Instead, acknowledge his position for what it is. 

If marriage is essential to you and he doesn’t share the same desire, you have two choices: accept the situation or move on to someone who shares your vision for the future.

ALSO READ: What To Do When A Guy Pulls Away From You

15. Concerns About Ring Expenses

The cost of buying an engagement ring can be overwhelming for some men. The pressure to meet societal expectations regarding the ring’s value might cause anxiety.

He may worry about being unable to afford the ring he thinks you deserve or fear rejection if he fails to meet the perceived standards.

16. Comfort in the Present

Your partner might resist change because he’s comfortable with the current state of your relationship. 

You’ve both found contentment over the five to ten years you’ve been together, and he doesn’t see a need to alter that.

If you were to issue an injunction, it’s not guaranteed that he’d choose marriage, as he’s likely satisfied with how things are.

17. He still doesn’t know his stand

You’ve been together for many years, maybe you live together, you know each other all round, but he says he “doesn’t know.” This means he knows his stand but doesn’t know how to tell you.

Guys usually know early on when they’ve met the one. Ask any married man when he knew his wife was “the one,” the answer will most likely be very early, like well before the six-months-together mark.

18. Diverging Desires

Ultimately, your partner may share different aspirations than you do. Despite the length of your relationship, he might not feel as committed as you or desires other things in life.

It’s important to recognize and accept that your visions for the future might not align, and you may need to have a serious conversation about your compatibility and shared goals.

Men and women tend to have different perspectives on marriage, with women often placing more emphasis on it. 

If you wonder why he won’t marry you after ten years, consider his hesitation, such as age, financial concerns, or differing life goals.

Marriage can evoke various emotions and concerns in individuals, making some men hesitant about taking that step. 

Understanding your partner’s fears and reservations is crucial in navigating these complex emotions.

19. He can’t do conflict

In a strong relationship, partners approach conflicts as a united team rather than adversaries. They collaborate to find solutions and avoid causing each other harm emotionally. 

A partner’s avoidance of conflict and refusal to address issues suggest unreadiness for marriage or uncertainty about the relationship’s future.

 For a marriage to thrive, both partners must be emotionally present and willing to confront challenges together. 

Please address conflicts and essential discussions to ensure the relationship’s growth and long-term viability. 

If a partner consistently avoids constructive conflict resolution, the other partner needs to assess compatibility and future goals.

20. He thinks you should take care of your entire plan

It becomes evident that he lacks concern for your plans when you mention your aspirations like going to grad school or living in another country, and he shows little interest or support. 

He appears indifferent because he doesn’t see you as a long-term partner and believes these plans won’t impact him.

Similarly, he doesn’t openly discuss his plans with you; if he does, you don’t seem to be a significant part of them. 

This suggests a need for inclusion and commitment to a shared future together.


Remember, a successful partnership involves finding common ground and mutual understanding. As you move forward, you must communicate openly, allowing both of you to express your desires and expectations for the relationship.

Open and honest conversation can be the key to addressing insecurities and reevaluating the relationship’s future. 

While marriage might not be a priority for some men, understanding their perspectives and finding common ground can lead to a fulfilling and committed partnership and help you find answers to why won’t he marry me after 10 years.

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