Why cheaters cheat again and again in a relationship

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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Why cheaters cheat again and again

Over time, we have seen people come up with excuses why cheaters cheat again and again in a relationship. If you are currently reading this piece, I am sure you are here to know why your partner is an unrepentant cheat.

Infidelity is a joy killer in a relationship. It creates a rough atmosphere that eliminates any little trust you have in someone.

Are you curious to know why your partner who cheated on you did it again and again?

According to a sex therapist, there is some truth in “once a cheat, always a cheater.” Check their previous relationship history. If they were cheaters in the relationship, these could be reasons why they are still in the cheating game even with a faithful partner.

Recent research also confirmed that an individual who was unfaithful in a previous relationship has the tenacity of being unfaithful in their current relationship. Most times, cheaters might not learn from their mistakes. They might just be getting used to their bad behavior. 

Recently, I got a message from one of our readers, and her story prompted me to write based on her experience. Her message was as follows:

“He broke my heart and tore me apart with his cheating nature; he took me for granted and put me to shame; he betrayed my trust and most of all my love for him; I do not know if my heart can survive this pain.

I got stuck between forgiveness and letting go of him. It was a difficult situation for me. But still, I forgave, wiped my tears and wiped his; I looked him in the eye and hugged him. Kissing him after he made promises that this would never happen again, that it was a costly mistake, and now he knows how much I am worth.

Somehow, I blamed myself that he cheated on me. I felt I wasn’t doing enough; maybe I didn’t look as good as the other woman, or perhaps I didn’t love him enough. Did I wrong him? Yes! It is my fault, so I should forgive.

I forgave him, but now I regret it!

So here is my thought. How can someone claim to love you and still hurt you repeatedly? Not once, not twice but over and over.

As heart-achingly as this sounds, it is the plight of some people out there. You decide to be in a relationship with someone you love and care about, with lots of plans for the future, and then, in the course of the relationship, they decide to cheat on you repeatedly. How do you take that? Especially when it is an incident that occurs over time.

I did not mix words when I said, “they decide to cheat,” and it was their choice to make. They cheated, and it was a thoughtful decision.

Why cheaters cheat again and again in a relationship.

1. Value system

If your partner grew up to see cheating as a norm, you might have a hard time curtailing their cheating habits. This is one of the top chart reasons why cheaters cheat again and again.

When a partner has a faulty value system, they believe they are entitled to cheat and embrace infidelity as a norm. Don’t be shocked by their infidelity nature, for this is who they are. It’s a misguided manipulative tactic as to why they will cheat again for the sole reason of being reluctant to their infidelity nature

2. Coping mechanism

Cheating can be a form of coping mechanism. When people are going through a hard time, they can resort to overeating or heavy drinking. Infidelity can also be a form of coping mechanism. When things get rocky in a relationship, a cheat might prefer to let out steam by cheating.

Also Read: How To Stop Loving Someone You Still Care About

3. Unresolved problems in the relationship

If there is an unresolved problem in a relationship, this will leave your partner with a cheating history vulnerable to engage in infidelity.

When these unresolved problems are the very ones that lead them to cheat earlier, they will do it again. Unresolved issues can be in the form of weight loss, issues with finances, and childcare. They can be just about anything worthy of making a partner cheat again and again.

4. A decline in relationship satisfaction

You will agree with me that when relationships are anew, the flames and bonding cant be compared to none. As time goes by, a decline in relationship satisfaction might happen. Your partner might grow out of love for you. Things might not be as exciting as they used to be.

Things can get boring quickly, hence making a cheater cheat again to gain a new experience.

5. Lack of commitment and trust

Commitment and trust are a must for relationship growth. A cheat finds it more comfortable to sleep around because it is way easier than trying to build trust, loyalty, and solid relationships.

Most cheaters who like to cheat again and again have something in common. They fear commitment and can’t build back trust when it’s lost. They sometimes feel moving on with whom they cheated with will make things easier.

6. Because you forgive too quickly

It is okay to forgive your partner for infidelity. But this can easily translate to an angle of opportunity, like a thief who goes to steal but gets caught off-guard. They will apologize, hoping you forgive, and when you do, it means they can always go astray and run back to you, seeking for forgiveness.

A cheater only feels sorry when they get caught in the act. Ask yourself, Would they have told you they cheated if you didn’t find out? Would they have stopped if you didn’t find out? Are they genuinely remorseful of their cheating nature? 

7. Peer pressure

Peer pressure is a leading factor in why cheaters cheat repeatedly. When a cheat still keeps friends that pressure them into cheating in the first place, they are likely to go back to it.

 Does your partner hang around friends who see nothing wrong with infidelity? They may be pressured to cheat repeatedly and adopt it as a lifestyle.

After their first act, if they keep hanging around friends who lead them on the infidelity journey, they still have a high tendency to cheat again.

8. Boring intimacy

Lack of sexual satisfaction has been the primary reason for lots of infidelities. If the sexual experience is disappointing, they are likely to cheat again and again, especially if they find a better option for their sexual fantasies out there.

9. Long-distance relationships

Long-distance relationships can create room for cheaters to cheat again. It happens when your partner isn’t self-disciplined enough when miles away from you. Temptations that come in hanging around other pretties might overcome their determination and commitment to you.

They might find it irresistible to remain faithful after the first experience, which can easily create more opportunities for infidelity.

10. They want you out of their lives

Let’s face it. When someone repeatedly cheats on you numerous times and you both agree to work on some broken links that ain’t working out, But still, you get disappointed again.

They probably just don’t want to be with you anymore. A part of them is glad you finally decipher the truth of their inability to stay with you. Muster the courage and walk away from such a relationship because you deserve better.

I hope you find this article helpful. Do let me know if you have had a personal experience of this and how you dealt with it in the comment section.

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