When Your Spouse Doesn’t Want To Do Anything With You

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Written By Alexis

Alexis has 7 years of experience as a relationship therapist, a degree in psychology, and a deep personal understanding of human relationships.

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when your spouse doesn't want to do anything with you

Are you at that stage in your marriage or relationship when your spouse doesn’t want to do anything with you? It might comfort you to know that you are not alone in this. 

For some reason, in every relationship, we face challenges like our spouses not wanting to do anything with us or, in the worst situations, totally losing feelings for us.

Finding out the reason is the first step to resolving this situation. 

In this article, we will highlight several possible reasons why your spouse suddenly doesn’t want to do anything with you. 

ALSO READ: How To Use Reverse Psychology To Get Him To Commit

Why your spouse doesn’t want to do anything with you

Your spouse’s reasons for not wanting to do anything with you can be due to an external factor, or the problem could be within.

Whatever the reason, solving this problem successfully will depend on how you handle it. Here are some reasons your spouse doesn’t want to do anything with you.

1. Stress from work or personal life is consuming their thoughts

Your spouse may be experiencing too much stress from their workplace. 

It is common for very enthusiastic individuals to get so engrossed in their work that they won’t know when it starts taking a toll on them. 

Your spouse may be experiencing stress due to workload. A 2015 to 2017 survey shows that 81% of individuals attest that work stress always, often, or sometimes affects their relationships. 

Usually, this happens as a result of mismanagement of time. 

It will help if you talk to them about reorganizing their time to accommodate as many daily goals as possible and still have some time for enough rest. 

Doing this will also make them more productive at work.

2. They may be dealing with depression or anxiety

Your spouse could be dealing with depression and anxiety due to personal concerns they didn’t let you in on. 

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in some situations where we have to take care of things ourselves without involving any other person. 

In such times, it might be necessary to withdraw from people and take time for critical thinking. 

Your spouse may be dealing with one of such times and may have let themselves slip into depression and anxiety due to overthinking. 

3. They might be feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities

Before diving into worries that your spouse doesn’t want to do anything with you, have you considered the possibility of some outstanding responsibilities overwhelming them at the moment?

Maybe the house bills or the kids’ school fees are due and need renewal. In the woman’s case, perhaps just the daily responsibilities of caring for the children and the entire household. 

Responsibilities can be overwhelming, and if we don’t put pressure in check, it may affect our marriage or relationships.

4. They have different interests or hobbies

No matter how close you are with your spouse, they must have something they love doing that you have no interest in. 

If you have hobby differences, you might often find them isolated from you to engage in what they love. It could be football, video games, golf, or anything. 

It would be unfair to deny them some space to enjoy the things they love doing. 

You can talk to them about organizing their time to include some of what you both love doing together. 

This way, you will get to spend time together while they also enjoy the things they like doing.

ALSO READ: Activities To Rebild Trust In A Relationship

5. They may be experiencing health issues

Your spouse may be experiencing a physical breakdown at the time and possibly doesn’t want to bother you with it. 

Health issues can limit our level of involvement with our partners. 

Being too engaged in activities can be draining and sometimes not what our body needs for recovery. 

If you discover this is why your spouse finds it hard to do anything with you, you must focus on supporting them instead.

Help take care of them until they are back on their feet again.

6. Unresolved conflicts or tension

On a different level, when you look deeper, you might find out that your marriage or relationship has been experiencing some friction lately, and whatever the cause hasn’t been resolved. 

It is common for us not to want anything to do with people when we are not on good terms with them. 

This may be the reason for your spouse’s sudden reserved attitude, and the sooner you settle whatever it is, the sooner you will have your partner back to yourself.

7. They may be feeling neglected or unappreciated

Again, when you don’t allow your partner to do their stuff, when everything is about you, or you never bother to know what is happening in their life, this can make them feel neglected. 

The things you do together as a couple should always be about you both and not just one party.

8. They might be going through a midlife crisis or personal identity crisis

There is a time in our lives when we begin to doubt ourselves. We begin to doubt our integrity or our overall relevance in the world. 

Such crises could result from failed attempts on our significant life goals or lack of evidence for all our hard work. 

Your spouse may be dealing with one of such crises, and the only way for you to know is by involving them in a deep conversation. 

When you eventually understand this is the case with them, it is essential to know that this is the time they need you the most.

Remind them of how important they are to you and the society at large. Make them see reasons to start trusting in themselves again 

9. They could be feeling suffocated and in need of personal space

Your spouse may indirectly tell you they will appreciate it if you could give them time alone. We all yearn for those quiet moments sometimes, reminiscing about our long/short-term goals. 

Alone/quiet time is healthy for everyone; it can be a time for deep rest or deep thinking. 

If your partner’s body language wants this, oblige them and watch them return to their usual self afterward.

10. Social media distraction 

Your partner may not want to do anything with you because they are too engaged with social media. 

This is a pervasive case among younger couples. Insignificant stuff might distract them, and they sometimes forget to pay attention to what truly matters. 

If this is the case with your partner, they will need a heart-to-heart discussion before things return to normal.

ALSO READ: She Loves Me But Shows No Affection (The Truth You Need To Hear)

What to do when your spouse doesn’t want to do anything with you

What to do when your spouse doesn’t want to do anything with you will determine the chances of resolving this issue. 

You need to be very careful and follow everything one step at a time until you get to the root. 

The suggestions below will prove resourceful in resolving the situation.

1. Initiate a conversation

The first step is communication. You should initiate conversation gently and ask for reasons. 

This is the most crucial step, as there is no way you can settle the situation unless you know the reason for their behavior.

According to a survey involving 1,000 people, couples who discuss their complex issues are ten times more likely to stay together than couples who are afraid to discuss their problems.

2. Show empathy

Let them see that you are asking from a place of concern rather than of complaint. 

This will provide a more conducive atmosphere for them to open up to you, even if they initially want to keep it to themselves.

3. Avoid blame

You will only shut them off further if you are more concerned with throwing blame at them. This is not the time for blame; instead, focus more on solutions. 

If after hearing them out, they make it known that their reason has something to do with you or your attitude, don’t bother arguing with them. 

Let them know you will do better going forward and keep your promise.

4. Schedule quality time

You both should actively think of a time that will favor everyone and make it a plan to always spend quality time with each other. 

Make this time about both parties. Choose a time and place you both love to avoid the feeling of neglect.

5. Compromise 

Sometimes, you might need to compromise your choices. For instance, even though you don’t like football, try watching it occasionally with your partner. 

It will create more time for you to spend together and will also show them how interested you are in them and the things they like. 

You don’t have to pretend to be all excited about it. Knowing that you don’t like it but doing it anyway will prove to them that you are honestly concerned about their happiness.

6. Rekindle romance

You must rekindle the love you have for each other before things can fall back to normal again. 

Apply some romantic gestures your spouse appreciates; for instance, you can leave them a handwritten note telling them how much you love them, or you can buy them their favorite flower or plan a romantic dinner in their favorite environment.

ALSO READ: What Happens When You Ignore A Ghoster

7. Give them some space

Above all, the things you can do to make things right are giving your partner some space when they need it. 

Give them a little time to be alone and reflect on their personal goals and life’s plans.

8. Show appreciation

If your partner complains of neglect, then you must adopt the habit of showing them how much they mean to you. 

Use every little means you get to appreciate them. Appreciate them for their time, support, and genuine concern for your success.

9. Encourage self-care

If you have an overworking partner, it will do them good to engage in self-care practices. 

Encourage them to get more sleep, visit a spa, the gym house or take a mini vacation, if possible, to revitalize their overall well-being while improving their relationship.

10. Revisit shared goals 

Chances are you are beginning to lose sight of what you want to achieve together as a couple.

 You should both sit together and think of your shared goals and how they once united you. 

If you no longer feel like this common goal is relevant and your partner still holds firm to it, they might think you’ve lost sight of your visions. 

A relationship without goals should not be encouraged and won’t favor you in the long run.

11. Maintain boundaries

More importantly, create clear boundaries and maintain them. If your spouse doesn’t like a particular thing, then don’t do it. 

Don’t overstep their borders to avoid any quarrels with them.

12. Seek professional help

If the situation seems too hard, I suggest you visit a therapist for advice. 

A session with a therapist will help you see things from a more apparent angle than you wouldn’t have on your own. 

Let the professional help you find a solution to your problem.


When your spouse doesn’t want to do anything with you, there is always a reason. To resolve this, you must have a heart-to-heart discussion with them to find out why.

What you can do to revive your marriage or relationship will depend on what reason they give you as to why they don’t want to do anything with you.

It is important to note that there is no guarantee that things will return to normal again. 

Sometimes, it is just that they’ve lost interest in the relationship and don’t want anything to do with you anymore. You have to prepare yourself for any possibility.

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