Reasons He Cheated on You but Wants to Stay Together

Photo of author
Written By Alexis

As a lifestyle enthusiast, my goal is to provide a safe space through this blog for candid discussions and helpful advice that will guide you navigate the ups and downs of your love life and personal growth.

he cheated on me but wants to stay together

The ideal image of a romantic relationship usually portrays trust and loyalty. But what happens when distrust rips through that carefully constructed love story?

Infidelity is such a betrayal that cuts deep into human feelings, leaving one confused and angry.

Discovering that your man is cheating can bring about changes to your world. You find it extremely important to question everything you know about your relationship.

It’s even more confusing when, amidst the wreckage, he expresses a desire to salvage the relationship and begs you to stay together.

Understanding why a man cheats while simultaneously wanting to stay can feel like trying to solve a tricky riddle. The reasons can be as complex as the partner himself.

The reason can be because of a tangled web of unmet needs, unresolved personal issues, or a communication breakdown.

Sometimes, it can be a desperate grasp for excitement or validation in a relationship that has lost energy. Other times, it can be a misguided attempt to cope with more profound problems. External factors can also play a role.

It’s essential to establish that there are different types of cheating. This is not an excuse for infidelity of any sort, but it should not be judged equally.

The reason is that every man has their peculiar reason for cheating. To some men, it is a one-time fling and a fleeting moment of weakness.  To others, cheating has been a constant long-term emotional and physical endeavor.

The severity of the betrayal plays a significant role in a woman who contemplates reconciliation.


ALSO READ: 3 Main Reasons Why He Confessed To Cheating


Furthermore, the context also matters. Did a period of significant stress or neglect create a breeding ground for such vulnerability?

Was the infidelity a symptom of a more profound disconnect in the relationship or a more remote incident?

However, the heavy question is not simply “why,” but a far more pressing “now what?” Can a relationship truly recover from the wreckage of infidelity?

Is it possible to rebuild trust after such betrayal?

The answer, like the reasons behind the betrayal, is complex. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and the answer depends on many factors, including your emotional state, the severity of the transgression, and, most importantly, your boyfriend’s genuine remorse and commitment to change.

You need to know whether he is genuinely remorseful or merely wants to avoid the discomfort of a breakup.

How to know if he still wants to stay together

After you’ve caught him cheating on you, it is not unlikely to be confused about the next thing to do. You get more confused if he expresses that he still loves you and wants forgiveness.

You will wonder if he genuinely wants reconciliation or if his plea to stay is simply a desperate attempt to avoid going through the emotional turmoil of a breakup.

1. Genuine Remorse

A genuine remorse starts by taking responsibility for the betrayal he caused. A man who goes about explaining why he cheated is not remorseful.

He has to understand the gravity of the pain he caused without blaming you or any other external factor for the infidelity.

He also has to demonstrate a genuine understanding of the emotional rollercoaster you’re experiencing at such a moment, acknowledge the depth of your pain, and be apologetic about it.

However, apologies are just the first step. His actions have to reflect a commitment to change. He has to seek the necessary therapy to address the root causes of his infidelity and make a concerted effort to rebuild trust through open communication.

2. Open Communication

A man who genuinely wants reconciliation after cheating should be ready to come to the discussion table with all honesty. He should not avoid discussing his thought process before embarking on such an unglorifying journey.

 Moving forward, he should not only be ready to apologize but also listen to you as you rant about the trauma.

He should be able to discuss his change plan and listen to what you think can make him a better boyfriend. Watch his body language; he should not be selective about what to discuss or ignore.

3. Willingness to Change

After the open and honest talk, he should be able to demonstrate the willingness to address the root cause of the infidelity.

You should see openness and truth in his ordeal as time passes. If you feel he is hiding some secrecy, it means he is not ready to redeem the relationship.

If you’ve agreed to couple counseling, he should show genuineness in attending all the sessions and strictly abide by the prescribed solution.


ALSO READ: How Cheaters Feel After A Breakup


4. He Set No Conditions for Reconciliation

He won’t attach strings to reconciliation if he genuinely wants you back. If he mentioned that he will only stay if specific demands are met or you agree to get over the grief quickly, it only means he is trying to extend his time with you and its not a good sign.

This transactional approach suggests a lack of genuine remorse and a focus on his comfort rather than the relationship’s health.

Can you continue the relationship?

Ascertaining that he wants to stay in the relationship and working towards it is not an automatic ticket to granting his request.

You need to examine if you have the mental capacity to forgive him about the past and be ready to move on.  Ensure the following are put into serious consideration.

1. Your Emotional Readiness

Are you emotionally strong enough to rebuild trust? Don’t rush into reconciliation if you’re still battling your emotions. Ask for more time to resolve your feelings or request for a break.

2. The Severity of the Infidelity

Think of the circumstances that made him cheat before you decide.  You may consider reconciliation if it’s a one-time fling and he genuinely regretted it.

If it’s a long-time affair and has been consistent, it means he is deliberate and doesn’t respect you.

There’s a high possibility he will go back to the cheating partner because some old feelings never die.

3. You still love him

Love is the foundation for every relationship. If you realize that you no longer have strong feelings for him as you used to before you caught him cheating, dump him.

Remember, you have a choice. The decision of whether to stay or leave is ultimately yours. Don’t feel pressured by societal norms or a desire to save the relationship.

Prioritize your emotional well-being and the path to your fulfilling future, with or without him.

The Journey to Healing

If you decide to reconcile with him after deliberation, you must put some checks in place to avoid such reoccurrence. The journey won’t be easy, but why not if you think he deserves a second chance?  

Open and Honest Communication

 Be open and honest about your feelings and what you need from him to rebuild trust. Give him the space to express his remorse and what led him astray.

Constant communication wet the journey of love; ensure you have a genuine conversation and try to make it consistent. Be convenient to talk to him about any inconveniences you may have.

Focus on Forgiveness

 Forgiveness is a long-term process, not a quick act. First, forgive yourself for trusting him. Also, forgive him (if and when you’re ready) to move on.

This means you do not focus on faulting him for cheating but rather plan together on the best way to rebuild the relationship if you still want to save it.

Setting Clear Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries in the future. This involves communication limitations with the other person that may cause discord in the relationship. 

It also means rebuilding physical intimacy at a slow pace. Boundaries also mean respecting each other’s opinions or being ready to understand and settle every difference without overstretching the point of disagreement.

Conclusion

Discovering the infidelity of a man you genuinely love will leave scars that may take some effort to heal. Can the trust be rebuilt, or is it the perfect time to move on?

There’s no easy answer.  The decision ultimately rests on you and his actions if you want to save what’s left. Carefully evaluate his remorse, commitment to change and most importantly, your emotional resilience.

Remember, you deserve a relationship built on trust, respect and open communication. 

Leave a Comment